The Secrets in a Turtle's Heart
by Koalagriton
Summary: TMNT 2012. What if April wasn't immune when she fell into Baxter Stockman's vat of mutagen? A Turtle-April Raphril fic.
1. Chapter 1

April plummeted into the vat of mutagen after Baxter Stockman cut the rope. Donnie soared above her, miscalculating the jump to catch her and only brushing her fingers before she fell. She looked into his eyes as his expression morphed into horror when he realised he wasn't going to make it.

 _This can't be happening._

Her thoughts were stuck in a loop of denial as she splashed into the glowing liquid and it sucked her down like burning quicksand. Agony spiked through her as her bones crunched and broke apart, shifting and reforming, pulling and stretching her skin, reorganizing organs. Suddenly she realised she was free of her bonds and she flailed her limbs to propel herself upward, frantically trying to escape the pain.

Her hand managed to latch onto the edge and she hauled herself up, the thick sludge coating her and making her nearly slip and fall back in. On shaky hands and knees she crawled to safety, coughing up the slime she had swallowed and looking up. Leonardo stood in front of her, hand on the hilt of his katana still in it's sheath watching and waiting for her to react. She never expected to be the one on the receiving end of that focused look he got right before engaging the enemy.

 _Am I a monster now? Am I an enemy?_

Her eyes darted to Donatello who looked at her with a stricken expression. "A-april?" He said uncertainly.

"I'm... okay. I think." She finally answered back, trying not to slump forward on her face. Her arms still felt like jelly. Everything felt different, as a matter of fact, her head pounded and the smells... _Did this place stink so much before?_ She could smell the mutagen on her and in the vat, the sweat on Casey, gross! Once they were beside her she was also picking up an acrid scent from all three of them that set her teeth on edge but subsided slightly after she spoke and they relaxed visibly. Instinctively she knew that it was... fear? Huh? She shook her head and slid off the edge of the vat and onto the floor, immediately sinking back to her knees. The room wouldn't stop spinning.

"Don't worry April, I can change you back." Donnie said softly as he pulled out the injector with retromutagen he had brought along to administer to her father. The only one left.

Her father was still out there, they needed to go help him! She tried to stand up as he fiddled with it and stepped closer, lifting the injector to use it on her.

"No!" She raised a hand and pushed the injector away from her. "What about my dad?!"

"What about _you_?" Casey interjected and Donatello lowered his head as he looked at her apologetically.

What about _me? I'm fine_. She thought and then her eyes fell on her hand where she was still holding onto the injector. Her green three-fingered hand.

* * *

Back at the lair April sat in the bathroom and pointedly didn't look in the mirror. She was slowly building up her courage to do it. She looked down at her legs first and her hands, palms resting on her lap. During her transformation she had burst out of her clothes, boots included, and now only her black leggings remained and some tattered bits and pieces of shorts and t-shirt that hung off her. She also lost her headband somewhere, she was missing the comfortable weight of it on her head and pressing behind her ears.

She lifted a hand slowly to where it should be resting, ignoring the fact that it should have brushed the outer shell of her ear _but didn't_ and touched only smooth skin. _I'm bald._ She said to herself and that single thought made her ridiculously upset.

She blinked her eyes quickly to try dash away the tears that were building up. "Of course you're bald. You're a turtle, turtles don't have hair. That would be weird." She said out loud, lecturing herself about how stupid it was to be so distraught about hair when your whole body had changed. "Hair is the least of your problems, April. You don't even have ears."

After a long chase and a messy fight trying to get the retromutagen to her dad they had failed, the vial crashing to the ground while she watched nearby, trying to rush to help. Her body had not been cooperating with her and they had convinced her to stay behind in the Shellraiser but she'd scurried out when she realised they were seriously outnumbered and needed help. Her centre of gravity was way off and her limbs didn't respond the way she was used to, still shaky and unsteady from the transformation so she couldn't really do anything other than watch as the vial smashed against a lamp post and the orange liquid splattered on the ground and dispersed, leaving nothing behind.

Raphael and Michelangelo had seen her when they returned to the vehicle to head back to the lair. Mikey looked oddly cheerful, holding her in a hug that lasted a bit too long and felt a bit too tight to be only about being happy they had another turtle in the team as he said. Raphael had been furious at first, shouting at Leo and Donnie about messing up their mission 'You had ONE job!' he'd yelled in their face.

Back in the Shellraiser he'd stared at her all the way to the lair. She kept catching him looking and he'd turn quickly away. She had wanted to call him out on it but she was too afraid of what he'd say to her, what he had seen that had shaken him up so much.

She breathed slowly and pulled off the tattered remains of her clothing, pausing when she was left only with her dark leggings. Only the legs were intact, the part around her waist had burst and now hung low from the top of her thighs where they disappeared under her shell.

 _Her_ shell.

She decided they were too damaged to wear and pulled them off trying to touch herself as little as possible in the process. She shivered at the thought and a sick feeling came over her when she brushed her fingers over that part of her anatomy, her lower plastron, as she felt the brush in a place that shouldn't exist. She jumped back at the feeling and her carapace tapped against the wall behind her making her flinch and shudder more violently.

It was like watching someone tap a backpack and suddenly feel that touch right on the skin of your back. It was all wrong, the feeling was all wrong. Her mind couldn't get around the fact that she was a different shape yet and it was making her stomach twist and lurch with every strange sensation that shouldn't be there.

 _Stop overreacting. This is only temporary. Donnie will fix it._

She walked up to the sink on unsteady feet and stood in front of the mirror breathing slowly before lifting her eyes and then froze. A turtle looked back at her. It was a lot more unsettling than she had expected. She couldn't recognize herself at all. It was all wrong. The turtle's face twisted into a frightening grimace and then blurred.

She woke up to frantic voices. Groaning, she opened her eyes and tried to pull away from their touches, turning over and getting on her hands and knees letting her head hang down with slow deliberate breaths to get a hold of herself.

They repeated her name worriedly but she couldn't answer, afraid that if she'd open her mouth she'd be sick all over the floor. When they asked her if she was okay she only managed to shake her head slightly before she could stop herself. Her skin felt cold and clammy _and alien. W_ ith no clothes on she felt naked and exposed but constricted by her shell at the same time.

 _I can't breathe._

Someone put their hand gently on her carapace and rubbed in circles and she yelped and scrambled to the toilet, just managing to lift the seat before throwing up some of the dinner she'd had before the mission, laced with glowing green. _Wonderful._ She wrinkled her nose (snout?) at the smell. Someone touched her back, not her back, _her carapace_ making her stomach lurch again.

"D-don't touch me." she whispered weakly and whoever it was drew their hand back. She swallowed and tried to speak more normally. At least her own voice was the same and it was a huge relief to hear it. "I'm okay, just go. I'll be right out."

She turned her head to watch Donatello's shuffling feet out of the corner of her eye beside her. His smell filled her nostrils and she tried to focus on it instead of the vomit even if it still had that unpleasant sour note of anxiety in it. She'd never noticed being able to smell him so well and from so far away. It was a familiar smell to her, well the fear part was new but Donnie was a smell she was used to even though she only remembered noticing it when she'd hugged him or they worked closely and it never was so strong. _Must be a turtle thing_. He smelled of motor oil, leather, coffee and... lavender? She'd never noticed that smell on him before. _Heh, that was new._ It kind of felt fitting with the whole purple turtle theme.

"Come on. Give her some space." Raph's gruff voice sounded from the door and he physically pulled his other brothers away, shoving them out of the bathroom to leave her kneeling on the floor. He gave her an odd, hurt look before walking out, partially closing the busted door they must have kicked in to get to her.

* * *

The living room was silent and empty when she walked out of the bathroom. She heard voices coming from the lab and started to make her way there slowly concentrating on the cold concrete floor freezing her bare feet instead of how oddly it felt to move around naked in her new body but as she neared the door she overheard part of the conversation and hesitated. They were talking about her.

"It's kind of weird, isn't it?" Leonardo spoke. "She looks like Mikey."

"She does NOT!" Donnie countered in an offended, high-pitched voice.

"She does too. She's small, has a rounded face, blue eyes and freckles. She looks just like him."

"I always told you guys I was the cute one."

She grimaced and turned away from the partially opened door. A new scent touched her nostrils and she inhaled it. It was mild and fragrant... it smelled like... spicy wood... She couldn't quite place it exactly.

"You don't look like Mikey." Raph's grouchy voice startled her and she turned to see he was halfway across the room from his bedroom watching her.

She _did_ look like Mikey. Even she thought so herself. She had examined herself in the mirror again, slower this time and had stared into the eyes of the stranger looking back at her for a long time. She tried covering up her face with a towel leaving only her eyes to gaze into, trying to find something familiar and then it hit her why it wasn't working. She had no eyebrows or eyelashes. It was strange how much you rely on something like that to recognize a face.

Instead of walking passed her to the lab he turned and walked in to the pit, sitting down on the bench. The scent faded slightly. _It's Raph._ He smells like leather, and... mahogany, like her dad's guitar.

"I didn't think you'd find being a turtle so awful that you'd barf." He grumbled at her but she could tell he was hiding his hurt.

She turned her head to the lab when she heard them laughing inside. She didn't want to know the reason. Making a decision she walked over to Raph and sat down carefully beside him leaving a bit of space between them. At least with Raph she didn't have to worry about him trying to touch or hug her, she didn't think she was ready for that yet even though she yearned to be comforted.

"It's not about that." She started slowly, unsure if she should continue. "I couldn't recognize myself in the mirror, not even a bit." She glanced at him to make sure he was listening. He was giving her that odd look again but at least she had his attention. She needed him to understand, she needed to talk about it to understand herself.

"Everything feels different. I feel... I feel like a ghost in someone else's body, moving it as if I'm pulling on the strings of a puppet." She lifted a trembling hand and watched its movement as the fingers opened and closed and then touched her plastron. "If everything about myself has changed so much that I can't tell it's me standing there, am I still the same person? Have I become someone else?"

Even without moving around she felt oddly detached from her body. There was a permanent crushing weight against her chest. Her plastron seemed like a tight corset that was squeezing the air from her lungs, not allowing her to inflate them properly. She couldn't stretch and take a deep breath. Well, she could... but it wasn't the same. Even something so simple as breathing felt vastly different to her now. It was very unsettling.

"So you don't hate being a turtle?" Raph asked and his voice sounded softer than usual, a little uncertain.

"I think it's more about my brain not getting the message that I'm a different shape now. It'll take some getting used to." She tried to make light of the situation but the thought that she wouldn't get used to it ever and would be feeling like this all the time was scaring her and making her voice tremble.

Bright green eyes darted between hers as they searched for something. After a moment he seemed satisfied and leaned back with a thoughtful hum without taking his eyes away from her. "You're still you. I can still see you and you're not completely changed. You still have what's in here." He pointed his chest with a thumb in the approximate location of his heart. "And here." He pointed to his head. "I'm- I mean, _we're_ here for you, April. We'll get the mutagen that Donnie needs to make your cure in no time."

She shook her head and crossed her arms but they fit awkwardly over her plastron, the edges biting into the soft skin of her underarms. Her hands didn't fit in the nook on the inside of her elbows the way she was used to so she uncrossed them and let them fall to her sides, palms flat against the seat.

"My dad comes first, then we can think about my cure."

He searched her face again, "I thought you'd want to go back to being human as soon as possible. You're going to miss school and... friends... and you know... shopping or whatever human girl stuff you do."

April smiled slightly at his wording and snorted but didn't correct him. "I know, but I'm fine, my dad is the one who needs it more urgently. He's out there, mindless and alone living off dead rats and garbage. He could be captured or hurt while we wait for more retromutagen. The most that can happen to me is that I might fail some classes and have to retake them. It's nothing permanent that I can't fix later on."

She sighed heavily, trying to push against the crushing pressure caused by her plastron, fingering the edge as if she could loosen it. "I'll just have to take a crash course in 'how to mutant turtle 101', suck it up and get used to it. I figure I'm stuck here for a couple months at least." She glanced over to him and forced herself to smile through her discomfort. "I could really use some pointers from an expert." She said quietly, trying to keep her voice steady and failing.

A large hand covered hers and she was surprised to realise that it didn't feel strange at all. She recognized the warm weight that fell on the back of it and it suddenly lifted part of the weight in her chest, letting her take her first deep breath as a turtle. It was the only thing since her transformation that felt right other than her voice and it untied the knot in her stomach and soothed her fraying nerves.

"You've got this. I'm gonna help you, April. Everything's gonna be fine." He told her with a calm certainty reserved to dads or big brothers who comforted their sibling by placing their belief in them. She felt so relieved she thought she would cry but she only closed her eyes and lowered her head as she nodded gratefully and turned her hand to give his a squeeze.

She didn't let go when the others walked into the living room to talk to her and thankfully he didn't pull away even though she knew he must have been uncomfortable in front of his brothers. Donnie was giving him a dirty look and his eyes kept darting to their joined hands but after Leo nudged him and shook his head he stopped.

 _I've got this. I'm still April O'Niel on the inside no matter how different I look or feel and April O'Niel doesn't give up._


	2. Chapter 2

The others munched on their lunch in silence while Raph glared at the sandwich on his plate. Training today had been a disaster.

After they explained the situation to Master Splinter he had decided that April would train with them in the morning following their daily schedule. Normally she'd have an hour in the afternoon a couple days a week alone and then join them in their Saturday morning training and come along every once in a while on their patrols. Now she'd be doing their 4 hour regular training in the mornings Monday through Saturdays. After the first day she was ready to call it quits and he wasn't surprised.

Master Splinter's reasoning after speaking with her was that it would help her get used to her new body. She guessed she had told Splinter the same things she'd told him and it had probably alarmed him as much too. He was also worried about her, wondering how she'd keep it together if her situation didn't improve but he wasn't sure this was the way to go about it. If anything, it was making her feel even worse as she failed to perform even the most basic of katas she had mastered at the beginning of her training.

April had been frustrated and unhappy throughout the whole morning, probably on the verge of tears. They let her take first dibs on the showers and by the time they'd come out and were ready for some lunch she had holed herself in the storage room which was turned back into her bedroom and told them she wasn't hungry through the door when they went to see what was taking so long.

"What should we do?" Leonardo asked when they were done eating and staring at their empty plates.

"Maybe we could cheer her up with something?" Mikey piped up. "We could go to her house later to grab her stuff and hang out. Maybe go to Murakami's?"

Donatello frowned. "Is it safe to go topside with her? I don't think she's... recovered enough to go roof jumping and she can't exactly go on the sidewalk by foot like she used to."

"Just give her some space. You're all crowding her and it's not helping." Raphael scolded them. "She needs to get used to things, she's gonna be in a bad mood. I mean, who wouldn't be, in her shoes? She went from almost getting her dad back to losing everything, even herself in one night."

The others stared at him for a few seconds, wide eyed.

"What?!" He barked, annoyed.

"That's very insightful, Raph. I'm surprised. Didn't think you had it in you." Leonardo answered with a cocky smirk on his face as he teased him and started collecting the dishes getting ready to do the washing up.

"Har. Har." Raph answered, holding back the nasty reply he really wanted to give him.

"Is that what she told you last night when you were holding hands?" Mikey asked innocently. Donnie turned his head the other way pretending not to be as angry about it as he was.

Raphael only grunted and rose to leave. It was none of their business and if April hadn't told them he wasn't going to say anything about it. He walked down the hall on the way to his room when April's door opened and they nearly bumped into each other. April looked up surprised, then glanced in the direction of the others before grabbing him by the hand and pulling him into her room, shutting the door behind him.

He looked at her, puzzled and slightly uncomfortable. They were friends and spent time together but usually as a group and it was never just them alone. She usually only hung out with Donnie alone. He was about to say something when she turned and looked up at him, a determined glint in her eyes he knew all too well. He shut up and waited.

"What you said yesterday, were you serious?" She said quickly, all the words coming out together so he had to mentally repeat what she said to make sense of it.

His mind searched wildly through all the things he said the day before but couldn't really get passed the awkward hand-holding that had occurred on the bench. It was more or less like the awkward hand-holding that was happening right now. She didn't let go of him. "Uhh..."

She dropped his hand. "You said you'd help me. Well, I need help. I don't know what to do. This is a lot harder than I thought..."

He could see how uncomfortable she felt, it was like she didn't know what to do with her arms or legs. She decided to let them fall limply by her sides and he could tell she was keeping them spread enough so they wouldn't touch her sides. He nodded, "What do you need?"

"I..." She started and then stopped. "I'm not sure..." She turned pleading eyes to him as if he could read her thoughts or wave a wand and fix everything. Her mouth started trembling and he panicked.

"Hey... Hey, no..." He didn't know what to do when someone cried, much less April. He knew he couldn't comfort her like he did Mikey. He did the only thing he could think of, he took her hand again. "April, it's okay. I know today was tough but it'll get better."

She was shaking her head like she didn't believe him. "Sure it will!" He said trying to sound cheerful and positive. It made his voice sound weird. "Okay, maybe it won't get better right away but you gotta know these things take time. I'm surprised you didn't fall over twice as much as you did. You even made it to the end, I would've given up and stomped off after the first hour. You're much stronger than you think."

He pat her gently on the shoulder, trying to avoid touching any parts of her shell. When it looked like she was okay with that contact he left his hand there and squeezed her encouragingly. After a moment she stepped into him and put her forehead against his shoulder. His heart beat furiously in his chest and he resisted the urge to put his arms around her, keeping one hand firmly on her shoulder and the other holding her hand. It was like they were about to start dancing.

 _Weirdest dance ever._ He thought to himself and ignored the part of him that really liked it.

He tried to take control of the blush that was burning his face. "Let's try with the little things first. We can swing by your place later to get you your stuff. You can make a list of things you need and we'll try get em for you so you feel more at home, okay?"

She nodded against him and pulled away, reaching for a scrap of paper she had on her bed. "Help me with this? What does a turtle even need?"

He felt the warm print of her head by his collar bone start to cool and his hands felt suddenly very empty without her and yet... he felt a contentment he wasn't used to. He felt... useful.

 _Needed._

He sat down on the bed and listened to her as she read off the list and he nodded at each item. He didn't really know what it was she needed from her house. As a turtle you don't really need anything other than essentials like soap, toothbrush and toothpaste. Still, he made some suggestions and she seemed more herself while she was focused on the task.

He watched her as she moved around the room taking things out of the drawers she must have left there from the last time she moved in to the lair and spread them on the bed. He didn't know what half of them even were. Whatever his brothers said she did NOT look like Mikey. Maybe they both had blue eyes and freckles but that meant nothing.

April's colour was a lot closer to Donnie's, which made sense. After all, it was his DNA that the mutagen used to change her. Did that make her and Donnie half-brothers? She was also smaller than she was as a human. She wasn't as short as Mikey but her shell was definitely the smallest of them all. Her carapace was the most notable feature. It was smooth and completely unblemished. It was beautiful really, even though she probably couldn't appreciate it. After coming out of the shower the light had gleamed off it like polished wood.

She also wasn't built like the rest of them. Her hands and feet were roughly the same shape as theirs but they were petite and soft, without the callouses they had from walking around barefoot. They might need to get her some shoes or some form of protection for her feet. He told her as much and she seemed grateful for the suggestion, adding it to her list.

Her limbs were toned from training with them yet slender and her shoulders narrow. Even without her long hair and girly clothes there was something undoubtedly feminine about the way she moved. It wasn't prissy or weak but it was so different. He wasn't sure if she'd always been this way and he'd just never realised before and he just hadn't really been watching her until now. But now that he could compare it directly with the way his brothers moved it seemed very obvious.

She leaned over to pull something out from the bottom drawer and he caught sight of the tip of her tail, curled up and twitching slightly with her movement, peeking out from under the lip of her carapace. He looked away quickly and felt his blush return with a vengeance. Definitely NOT like Mikey. She gave him an odd look over her shoulder and he managed to pull his eyes away from her.

 _Shit._

Later when he left her room, he locked himself in his and put a hand against his plastron, over his heart. He wondered vaguely if this was the way Donnie felt around her all the time: it _hurt_ and he liked that it hurt this way. Like he was going to have a heart attack every few minutes but couldn't keep the smile from his face.

 _If it was he was so screwed._


	3. Chapter 3

Nearly a week later April was starting to get used to moving around and forgetting about the bits of her that were missing or shouldn't be there while she wasn't doing anything. In her mind she had convinced herself that she was wearing body armour. Maybe it wasn't the best way of adapting but she needed to save her sanity and it seemed to work for now. Master Splinter didn't think so.

She sat in front of him with her legs to one side as he talked. She understood what he meant, that she needed to accept her body the way it was now. That ignoring the problem was living in denial and just kicking it forward where it'll build up eventually. The theory was one thing but saying 'I accept myself' and actually accepting oneself were two completely different things.

 _This was only temporary, wasn't it? What was the point._

 _Because it will blow up in your face at some point and you'll have another major freak out like the first day in the bathroom, that's why._ She answered herself. Also, it could be months before a cure was ready for her and that is if they could turn her father human this time. They had wasted two cures already with no results.

Master Splinter finished speaking and dismissed her with a worried look. She bowed her head and headed over to the living room to wait for her turn in the showers. She both hated and loved this moment in the day. She hated it because washing her body reminded her just how very different she was now and because she couldn't help the new way her body reacted to it.

She'd asked Raph about it and he'd looked at her funny and said it was just a turtle thing. The warmth and the water of the shower did something to her that she didn't expect. She could lose track of time very easily as it blanked her mind. _It felt amazing._ They'd had to lock pick their way into the bathroom a few days ago to drag her out after being turned into a warm pile of bliss on the shower floor.

She hadn't dared try a bath.

She entered the bathroom the moment it was free and locked the door. They'd brought some things she'd asked for from her flat thinking they'd make her feel more at home and comfortable, like her bodywash and then felt stupidly upset when she found out she couldn't use it. The moment she twisted the cap off her body wash and smelled it, it had burned her nostrils. Had it always smelt so much of chemicals? How did they stand the way she smelled all the time? Raphael had told her it wasn't so bad on her skin, and then turned purple and refused to look at her the rest of the day. It had almost made her forget her disappointment.

She had found a partial solution to that. Hurray to small victories, she thought dryly as she squeezed some of the boys' soap onto her loofah and mixed it with a small drop of her own. She washed herself quickly, making sure the water wasn't too warm and then towelled off avoiding the mirror, crossing in front of it with her head turned away as she went to the kitchen.

 _Ugh, lunch._

Food was also becoming a problem but that was because of the scent. She didn't know how they could live in a sewer when their own sense of smell was so strong. It also made her realise how dependant of smell taste was. Even when she managed to get used to the stench of sewer that permeated everything she found that food just tasted different. Things she had enjoyed before now didn't taste right. Add that to the underlying anxiety she felt all the time and she could barely manage to stomach more than a few bites of food in each meal.

She moved the food around on her plate as the others talked about something or other around her. She pretended not to notice their worried glances as she concentrated on chewing and keeping down the algae. Thankfully her plate had no worms in it. Someone, probably Mikey, had cut up hot dogs in little slices and stirred them in her plate instead. The algae itself wasn't so bad, it didn't taste of much at all but the hot dogs... she used to love them. Not that they tasted of hot dog to her any more. They tasted of salt and fat and the metallic meaty aroma of offal. Yuck.

She shovelled another spoonful of food into her mouth to not seem ungrateful. They were really trying their best to make her feel at home and she was only being grouchy and miserable back at them. Her eyes darted to the chores chart on the fridge. It had been Leo's turn to cook.

She was having trouble swallowing the third spoonful without gagging and what she had already eaten was churning uncomfortably in her stomach. Sorry Leo, but I don't want to throw up.

She got up to clean her dishes and gestured to the fridge. "Shouldn't I be put on the chart as well? I'm going to be here a while."

"Not hungry?" Leonardo answered instead. They probably had no intention of sharing chores with her.

"No, sorry." It was probably someone else's job to do the dishes but she didn't want to stay behind long enough for a lecture so she finished quickly and started to leave, saying she would go take a nap in her room. She was feeling pretty light-headed and could use a rest.

She managed to make it to the door before the room blurred and then tilted. She could vaguely make out someone asking if she was okay but it seemed to be very far away. Her pulse and breathing roared in her ears as everything seemed to happen in slow motion. She could feel her limbs heavy as lead as she leaned back and after a moment her eyes rolled up and she was falling. Before her carapace hit the floor she felt strong arms around her.

"It's okay, I got ya. I got ya." A gruff voice told her as he lowered her gently.

"Okay." She whispered as she let the spicy scent of mahogany surround her and closed her eyes.

* * *

She had awoken to the sound of worried voices arguing amongst themselves before promptly kicking everyone out of her room. Leonardo started to lecture her and she reminded him she wasn't one of his brothers to boss around. It probably hadn't been very fair of her to use that, he was only concerned after all, but there really was nothing he could tell her that she didn't know already.

She knew she had to eat more, she knew she had to get over it, she wasn't doing it on purpose! Knowing the science behind glucose levels wasn't going to help, Donnie, and no, jelly beans in her algae wasn't either, Mikey.

Raph was the only one who stood in the corner and didn't say anything. When the others turned to leave he stood his ground until they crossed the threshold and then shut the door behind them instead of following them out and turned to face her.

"You've got to stop avoiding your problems and face them head on." He told her angrily.

She stared at him. "I'm not avoiding anything!"

"Like hell you aren't!" He yelled back at her as he stomped over to her, towering over her sitting on her bed. "You can't even stand to brush your arms against yourself. I bet you haven't even looked at yourself properly."

The truth of those words hurt. "It's not that simple." April answered, lowering her head in shame.

"Yes it is!" He roared. "How can you get used to it if you don't even try?! You asked me for help so I'm going to help you." He got up and grabbed her by the hand, pulled her to stand up, dragging her across the hall. When she noticed he was heading to the bathroom, to the large mirror in there, she dug her heels in the floor for him to stop.

"You can either follow me or I'll carry you, but we ARE doing this." He said in a voice that brooked no argument.

The others had turned towards them and Donatello stood up to go intervene but Leonardo put a hand on his shoulder and held him back. After a few quiet words that she couldn't hear he turned and walked to the lab. _Coward_ , she thought venomously even though deep inside she knew he only wanted her to get better. Nevertheless, tears she refused to spill burned in her eyes as she watched him walk away with his head lowered.

"You're killing yourself, April." Raphael said more quietly, only to her. "I'm not going to stand by and watch. I gave you a chance to do it your way. We're trying it MY way now." He started walking in the direction of the bathroom again and she followed. She'd try it his way and prove him wrong. At least she wouldn't be carried over like a child with a tantrum.

They stepped into the bathroom and he shut the door, keeping it unlocked, and then marched her to the mirror. "Look." He ordered, and she opened her eyes, staring at herself.

The same turtle she had seen the first day looked back but she looked thinner, more tired, with dark circles under her eyes. Great, I look like shit, even for a turtle. She frowned and the turtle in the mirror frowned, wide mouth curling downwards. Yup, still creepy. Then her eyes darted to the turtle standing behind her and slightly to the side, watching her, and it changed something in her perspective.

 _The power of context._

Her eyes started taking in all the differences between them, the colour of their eyes, their shape, the tone of their skin, their build and even height. She was still taller than him even though she looked smaller. It was because her carapace was in fact pretty small compared to his and of course his shoulders were a lot wider and muscular. She could see herself in the turtle when compared to Raphael. She wasn't just some turtle, she was THIS turtle, different to the others. She understood what he had meant when he said she didn't look anything like Mikey. Eye colour and freckles didn't mean much when so much else was unique to you.

He realised what she was doing and he lifted his arm and removed his mask and only hesitated slightly before sliding off his pads and even his belt with his sai. _This is me_ , she thought as she glanced back and forth between them. This is April the turtle, and not just April inside the body of some turtle.

The strange disconnect started fading, as if there had been a noise buzzing in the backround someone had lowered the volume to. She seemed transfixed, as if she was seeing both of them for the first time and didn't notice she was lifting her hand to run the palm of it over his plastron until she felt him under her fingertips.

She paused for a moment to give him a chance to pull away and when he didn't she continued. She pulled him towards her slightly and he let her position him so she could run her hands over him and watch them both in the mirror.

After a while he took her free hand slowly in his and moved it to her own plastron, placing it palm down against her chest. She shuddered but managed to not look away when he started moving her hand over her plastron, covered by his. Little by little, as her movement in the mirror matched the feeling on her skin, the strangeness left her. Her fingers brushed over the vertical groove in the middle and she noticed it was much more sensitive. Her hand on his chest searched for the same place, rubbing the groove with the soft pad of her thumb and he shivered in response.

Almost immediately his scent became stronger, spicier, and it filled her nostrils with his sweet aroma making her want to step closer, touch him again so she could smell more of that enticing scent. She turned away from the mirror to face him. His eyes were hooded and his chest was rising and falling heavily. How did she not notice how attractive he was before?

It wasn't that she'd never appreciated his body before. You'd have to be blind to not see the muscles, the way his legs seemed to be chiselled in stone. They walked around practically naked all the time anyway, it was impossible to NOT see it. But she'd never noticed those small details that made him completely unique, that were only his and made him stand out from his brothers in her mind, that made him a beautifully exotic creature.

She pulled her own hand out from under his and used it to brush her fingers along his side, feeling all the hard edges and soft grooves. The quiet gasp made her shiver and she stepped closer to him, her head slightly lowered as she observed his body. She could feel the warmth radiating from him and his breath on her face. She wondered what she smelled like and if he liked it as much as she did his scent. Had her scent changed with her mutation?

She brought a hand to her own bridge, where she had just touched him and felt herself just as she'd done with her plastron. When she was done exploring that she moved to his carapace curling her hand over the lip and onto his back. She could barely brush her fingers over the lip of her own carapace so she gave up and just held onto him with one hand as she explored the with the other. She stilled when he lifted his hands slowly and brought them to hers. His palms flattened over her back and glided smoothly over her.

She closed her eyes and leaned into him, pressing her forehead against his shoulder, focussing on the feeling of his warm hands on her back, trying to make a mental map of her shape based on the sensations of his fingers exploring the whorls and grooves on her. It actually felt wonderful to be touched this way. She opened an eye and watched him through the mirror. He caught her glance and turned them slightly so she could get a better look of her shell and what he was doing to her.

After a while she started imitating his movements again, delighting in the shivers and gasps she managed to get from him, relishing the sensations he managed to pull from her. She felt slightly light headed again but she was sure it was from her uneven breathing and the flush in her cheeks and not her glucose levels.

When she couldn't take it any more she decided she wanted something else and lifted her face from his shoulder, pressing her lips against his. Her mouth was also different from before. It was wider and larger and it made her gestures in the mirror look foreign and unlike what she was used to but now it made her mouth fit perfectly on Raph's.

 _We fit._ She thought to herself as she closed her eyes and revelled in the heat coming off of him.

He didn't move at first but when he did it seemed to ignite a fire inside of him as he moved his mouth over hers, tasting and biting her gently. She opened her mouth to him and he pushed his wide tongue inside her cradling the back of her head with a large hand, the other on her carapace holding her in place. _He tasted spicy and sweet._ He groaned when she slid her tongue over his and pulled him further into her mouth.

 _Why couldn't food taste and smell as good as he did?_

She suckled on his tongue gently and a rumbling noise started in his chest, making her press herself against him. She didn't know what it was other than it was a really good noise. It was turning her legs to jelly and she leaned more of her weight against him, sliding her arms around his neck.

He held her up easily and kissed her senseless until a loud knock on the door made him jump back. They both stared at each other, panting.

"WHAT?!" He growled, turning away from her and pulling her arms gently from the gap between his body and the lip of his carapace behind his shoulders.

"Uhm, is everything okay?" Leonardo asked through the door. "Only it's been a while and..." The doorknob started turning.

"Yes! I mean, yeah, everything's fine. We'll be right out."

They waited until they heard Leonardo's footsteps leading away from the door before looking at each other. April was full of nervous energy, it made her limbs tremble with the thought of being caught in such a position. Her lips still tingled from their kiss and the sweet taste of his tongue lingered on hers. She let out a loud relieved laugh and covered her mouth quickly but it set something off between them and he started chuckling at the situation they found themselves in.

"Better?" He asked when they had calmed down.

April nodded. She really did feel better, more herself. The mirror thing had worked pretty well even though she knew she needed to work on it some more. "I might need you to help me again later, though." She whispered as she walked by him to open the door.

His eyes widened at her insinuation and he blushed purple. "Y-yeah." He squeaked, cleared his throat and tried again. "Of course, anytime." He tried to sound cool but his voice cracked, making her smile.

 _Much better._


	4. Chapter 4

Raph couldn't stop thinking about the kiss and it was both infuriating and wonderful. Mostly it was infuriating. Like most things in his life.

Even after April's insinuation that she would be wanting "more help" from him later, she didn't really act any differently towards him. Well, there were embarrassed looks and careful avoidance immediately after but that was to be expected. He and his brothers trained for the rest of the afternoon and then went on patrol without her so he had time to think about what had happened or at least he hoped to have time to try be distracted by punching things instead of thinking. He looked around as they entered the lair hoping to catch a glimpse of her. They were back early since it had been a quiet night, he'd had no such luck. She must have gone to bed already.

Had their relationship changed? What did that kiss even mean? What if it hadn't meant anything? Maybe he was looking too far into it and it was just a one time thing. It's not like she owed him anything because of it...

He sighed. This turn of events was eating away at him. He had spent most of the night listening to Donnie worry about her and he was feeling very guilty about it. He needed to talk to him but he wasn't sure what to say. He shouldn't have let it gone so far to begin with but it had all happened so suddenly, taking him completely by surprise and then he'd stopped thinking altogether and just kissed her back.

"What's up with you? You've been sighing all night." Leonardo asked as he joined him on the bench with a cup of tea. "I thought your talk with April had gone well."

"It did." _Too well._ "It's nothing."

Leonardo watched him thoughtfully over his cup as he sipped and then, probably realising he wasn't going to get anything else from his brother, he turned to the TV and flipped the channels to watch Space Heroes. Raph sat for a while in silence beside him, pretending to watch but lost in his own thoughts. His eyes darted to the partially opened door of the lab where Mikey and Donnie were and he considered waiting for the right moment to speak to his brother and tell him what had happened. He couldn't wait any longer. He got up and marched over to the lab.

He wasn't known for his patience anyway.

Mikey was spinning in an office chair as Donnie was busy on his computer. "Mikey, beat it, I need to talk to Don." He barked as he approached them.

"Is it about April?" Donnie looked up from his work with a worried glance. Raphael didn't answer and only gave a meaningful look at Mikey who sat there looking between the two. "Mikey could you give us a moment?"

"What? If this is Operation: Feed April, I want in on the plan!" He jumped out of his chair and it glided back before bumping against the desk, toppling over a beaker. Thankfully it was empty and didn't break.

"Mikey!" They both yelled at him.

"Oops! Fine, fine I'm leaving." He answered as he trudged out of the room. Raph slid the door closed behind him.

"Okay, what is it? Is there something wrong? I knew there was something wrong! You didn't tell us everything did you?"

"No, I..." He swallowed and looked away as he thought about how to tell him. There was no easy way of saying this so he just went for it. No point beating around the bush.

He breathed slowly like he did before combat to find his centre. "AprilkissedmeandIkissedherback."

Donatello looked at him confused for a moment as he processed what he'd just been told. He leaned forward as his brow furrowed, placing his hands palms-down on his desk. "What?" He said softly as if he hadn't heard right the first time.

Raphael fidgeted as he gave Donnie time to react to his confession. No turning back now. He just hoped that his brother wouldn't hate him by the end of this. He had really messed things up.

Donatello's confused expression cleared and turned furious. "What are you talking about, Raphael?" He said in a dangerously serious tone using his full name. Shit.

"Donnie... I..." His brother's eyes looked more red than brown sometimes and it was kind of unsettling. Now was one of those times. "We've been spending time together lately but I didn't think she was interested in me. We were in the bathroom, I was helping her and then she... she kissed me and I kissed her back."

Donatello's eyes darted between his. He pulled his lips back into a snarl."How could you do this to me?"

"I'm sorry I kept this from you, Donnie, but it just happened so fast. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't think she liked me that way."

"YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE HER!" He bellowed, slamming his hands against the desk. The lab wasn't exactly sound proof and Raph winced slightly at his outburst before he could react to what he was saying.

"How the hell would you know!" He yelled back at him.

"Oh, so what, you started liking her since yesterday morning? Or was it after lunch when you decided to STAB ME IN THE BACK?"

"Shut up! Did you really think you were the only one who liked April? Do you think the rest of us are blind or stupid? Just because you act like a dork around her and we kept quiet when you were so obvious doesn't mean we didn't have our own feelings."

"Who are you talking about?!" Donnie spread his arms, his voice taking on a high pitch that grated on Raph's nerves.

"The rest of us, Donnie!" Raphael groaned and rubbed his face with his hands. He didn't want to fight. Not about this. "Did you think you could just call dibs and cancel everyone else's feelings? Including April's? I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way."

Donatello held his stare but then his eyes darted back and forth as the thought about what Raph had just told him like he did when he was trying to work out a complicated puzzle. He took in Raph's pleading look and slowly, his face lost the furious snarl and morphed into hurt disbelief. He seemed to deflate after a moment, his shoulders slumped and he fell back into his chair. "How long...? Why didn't you say anything?" He asked quietly.

"Since... always." It was true, Donnie wasn't the only one taken with her when they'd seen her from the rooftop that first night they ventured topside. After that they'd gotten to know her and she hung out with them a lot. Not only was she beautiful but she was smart, strong and didn't cower away from a fight but most importantly she never seemed to care about them being freaks. At least not after their initial greeting. Raph was pretty sure they all had a crush on her at some point from the very beginning.

"I couldn't help it." He said instead in a small voice. "I never said anything because what was the point? She was never gonna fall for us, look at us! I thought I really never had a chance and if she ever fell for a turtle it would definitely be you. You're smart and fun and easy to hang out with, I'm just... good at fighting." He didn't know how else to explain it to his brother. "I'm sorry."

Donatello hung his head and held it in his hands. All signs of anger had dissipated and they were left in silence. There were still so many things left unsaid between them but Raph had never been very good with words. He had to try make things right between them, though.

"Look." Raphael continued after hesitating a moment. "I don't know what this is or if it even is anything. I'm not... we're not in a relationship. She might not even want anything like that with me. If I'd have known she was going to kiss me I'd have probably avoided it and I never meant to hurt you so..." He waited for Donnie to look up at him but when he didn't he continued anyway. "If you want me to I'll... I'll back off, okay?" He tried to hide his pained grimace, he wasn't good at hiding his emotions though.

Donatello looked up at him and seemed to weigh his words. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, I want you to back off." He said in an emotionless tone.

They both stared at each other. Donatello was still hunched over, with his elbows resting on his knees as he waited for Raph to answer. Under his eyes his mask was darker and wet.

"Okay." Raph said quietly and turned around to leave. He opened the door and slipped out, heading for his room.

This was the right thing to do. He didn't even know what April wanted from him or if she'd still be interested when she wasn't a turtle. She was a human and she was bound to want human things he couldn't give her. This was just a phase. She felt vulnerable and she latched onto him. He couldn't hurt his brother over something like that. He was supposed to protect his family, they were the only ones who would love him come what may. They were stuck together and he owed them his loyalty. He would give them anything to keep them happy and safe.

He continued to try to convince himself he was doing the right thing until he fell asleep.

* * *

The next day Raphael was glad to see April doing better at training though he kept his distance. She didn't suddenly become normal overnight or anything but she was actually advancing with Splinter's careful guidance. He tried not to look at her and concentrate on his own katas which was difficult with Donnie watching his every move like a hawk.

He wasn't planning on even saying anything to April. He was done with heartfelt conversations for the next month at least. For all he knew it had been a one time only occurrence and she wasn't acting any different toward him, so he just had to make sure it didn't happen again. Not like she'd want to kiss him again anyway...

Raph was having trouble pulling his attention away from her even when he wasn't even looking in her direction. During training he kept wondering if he was standing too close or too far from her, if their fingers had brushed on purpose when she walked by him or if she knelt beside him because it was the closest available spot or she had sought him out. With Donnie kneeling on her other side he could feel the tension in the room and he looked around to make sure no one else was noticing it. He thought Donnie would burn a hole in the side of his head from the intensity of his stare.

Lunch wasn't much better. This time Raphael was sure April sat down beside him on purpose, changing where she usually sat by placing her stool on the end of the table that was usually empty or reserved for guests. He wasn't sure what he should do about it. He couldn't just get up and move to another spot, this was his spot. Everyone would notice something was up and nothing was up. Nothing.

He tried with all his strength to ignore Donnie's glare during lunch but Mikey and Leo had caught on and kept glancing between them, trying to make light conversation that neither took part in. Best thing would be to end this quickly and get out of there, so Raph began shovelling the food into his mouth as fast as he could without choking.

He was almost done when a sigh from beside him caught everyone's eye at the table and they watched April pick through her food as usual and hardly eat anything... again. By the time she got up to clean her plates Raph was exchanging worried glances with Donnie, their animosity put on hold for the time being. He tried signalling Donnie with a look to do something about her and he nodded slightly before chasing after her, cutting off her escape to her room and asking her to have a word with him.

Raphael watched them go to the lab nervously. At least he wasn't being glared at any more. They'd talk about her eating habits and not him. It would be stupid to think they'd talk about him... right? He grabbed a comic and sat in his beanbag chair. This was where he usually read, he wasn't waiting for them, nope.

He still looked up the moment the door slid open.

She didn't look at him weird so he guessed they really hadn't talked about him. _Why would she talk about you, you don't matter that much_ , he thought to himself as he watched her walk over instead of head to her room. She sat on the bench nearest to where he was seated, smiling. She asked him what he was reading and he had to look at the cover to find out. _Damnit._

Raph's eyes searched for Donnie in case he was annoyed but his brother only gave him a passing glance as he talked quietly with Leonardo. When they were done, Leo announced to them all that they wouldn't go on patrol this evening. They'd be having movie night and pizza after their training. Mikey cheered and started listing all the pizzas he'd eat later taking April's attention off Raph.

Secretly he was glad they weren't going out even though he groaned out loud at Leo about being stuck underground. He trusted Donnie with his life... usually but he wasn't sure he'd have his back 100% with the way things stood between them. When it was a life or death situation a moment of hesitation could be really dangerous. If Donnie's focus was on him instead of the fight or his surroundings it could mean trouble for all of them. This did mean that they would be stuck in each other's company the whole evening, though, and he wasn't sure he could stand it without blowing up in his face.

He thought maybe he should head over to Casey's or just go topside for a run on his own. He knew he kind of deserved the treatment he was getting for what he'd done. It was why he hadn't confronted Donnie about it before. He'd suck it up and take it but that didn't mean he wasn't going to escape if he could. He'd just need to get through afternoon training ignoring Donnie as best he could, eat his pizza and disappear for a few hours. Donnie will be glad for the time he could spend with April and maybe he'd get off his case.

Everyone tried not to look at April as she picked up a slice of pizza that afternoon at dinner. They were all pretending to be busy with their own food but they were all watching her out of the corner of their eye. She took a bite and immediately covered her mouth with her hand. They all seemed to be holding their breath as they waited to see what she thought.

She groaned in pleasure and smiled at them. "Why does this taste so good?! Thank God, I'm so hungry!"

They laughed, relieved, and Raph pushed one of the pizza boxes closer to her making sure to give Mikey a look that read "pizza box off limits". She turned towards him when the others started to talk animatedly about picking a movie for later and wiped her eyes quickly.

"You okay?" He whispered.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm just _so_ glad. I'm not surprised you like pizza so much, this tastes amazing." He chuckled. "I'm really looking forward to later, too. It's been a good day so far." She blushed and nudged him gently with her arm. "It'll be fun to finally relax."

Raphael didn't answer her but secretly relished the contact. In the end he didn't go out and sat on the bench as they watched the Space Heroes movie for the millionth time. He didn't really care, April was sitting by him. She wasn't near enough for them to be touching, another turtle could easily fit between them or for Donnie to be upset about it, he was sitting much closer to her other side. She was close enough so he could snort at the comments she'd whisper in his direction during the cheesier scenes. If he pretended the others weren't there he could imagine them being on a date.

He'd promised Donnie he wouldn't pursue April any more and he'd keep his word but there was nothing he could do about the way his heart beat when she was close or she gave him her attention. Maybe just enjoying her company and keeping his feelings for her in secret could be enough for him. He'd done it this way so far. His heart thumped painfully in his chest at the thought of being allowed only a taste of what could be.

 _It will be enough_ , he repeated to himself. _It had to be._


	5. Chapter 5

This training run along the rooftops was supposed to be something fun and easy. It was the first time they'd been topside with April since her mutation and he should have been enjoying it but Raph wasn't. He'd been hyper aware of himself and how he acted around April when Donnie was present. The few moments he managed to lose himself in the physical exertion of running and launching himself across vertigo-inducing drops, a glance at Donnie had been enough to bring him back to their current situation.

He'd been hoping that after a few weeks all would be back to normal but even though April wasn't pushing him, she was still hanging around him. She was using him as a main source of support and even though he'd been able to suggest that Donnie could help her better in most situations, it hadn't deterred her from seeking Raph out continuously. Her spot at the table was now permanently at his side and Donnie's disapproving frown and accusing glare had become fixed onto his face.

 _Can you blame him for hating you after what you did?_

"Raph!" April's breathless voice called him and he turned in time to watch her spring over the rooftop ledge he'd just crossed.

 _What was she thinking?_ Leo had stopped them halfway through the run and asked him and Donnie what their problem was. They'd just stood there looking at the ground without talking and eventually Leo had sighed in defeat and ordered them to fan out and then meet up again further ahead. Taking advantage of the opportunity to escape the tension, he'd purposely taken the more difficult route so he wouldn't be followed. The jump she was attempting was harder than anything she'd been able to do even at her best form before the mutation.

He panicked for a second but then realised she could make it but it would be very close. Without any hesitation he quickly positioned himself by the edge and caught her just as her toes met the ledge he was on. Not wanting to risk her slipping or falling backwards into the void his strong arms curled around her carapace and pulled her back.

Their plastrons knocked together and with an "Oomph!" He ended up sprawled on his back with a smiling, blue-eyed turtle on top of him. They stayed that way panting for a second, she needed to recover her breath from the tough run and his head was still swimming in the panic he'd felt when he thought she might not make it.

"Are you crazy?" He meant to yell but it came out more like a bewildered whisper.

She tossed her head back and laughed and he could feel the sound reverberating through his chest with the way she was pressed against him. He loved that sound, hadn't heard it in a while. Suddenly, the whole trip was completely worth it even though he had to sit through being scowled at or purposely ignored the whole time.

She started to push herself up and he realised he was still holding her tightly to him. He released her, sliding his hands over her smooth carapace as she lifted her upper body away but his face must have had a strange expression because she stopped, her laugh turning into a soft smile, a hand pressed against his plastron. He wondered briefly if she could feel how his heart was about to burst from his chest and maybe she could because her scent spiked making him dizzy. She was so beautiful.

She had started wearing thigh-high thick, dark grey tights under her knee pads and cloth shoes to cover her soft, un-calloused feet that always seemed to be freezing cold. Her arms were covered up to her shoulders in long, matching dark grey fingerless gloves. He'd helped her with her new threads when she'd confessed she still felt awkward and naked all the time. He'd also shown her how to make and modify a leather belt like the ones they wore to carry stuff in, tucked into the bridge of their shells, where she now kept her tessen and some emergency first aid supplies, shuriken and smoke bombs. The grappling hook didn't fit in the gaps of her smaller shell so he made a strap where she could fasten it slightly behind her where it wouldn't hinder her movement.

His world was reduced to April straddling him, her scent and the way she was smiling down at him. His eyes darted to her pink tongue when she wet her lips and he couldn't help mimicking the gesture. He rested his hands on her knee pads, fingers lightly touching her cloth-covered legs but nearly jumped when he felt something brush the inside of his own thigh and then the opposite one.

For a second he thought it was a bug but then it kept happening and he realised it was her tail swishing back and forth excitedly between his legs. He bit back a groan exhaling forcibly through his nostrils. _What are you doing to me?_

Mikey thought she looked weird with the way she covered up and how big the gear looked on her slender physique, "Turtle Rambo!" He'd exclaimed through a fit of giggles and a terrible impersonation. Leo just chuckled and told them it wasn't about winning beauty contests, it was about getting the job done. Raph thought she looked incredibly sexy, though he kept it to himself and he hadn't dared ask Donnie what he thought about it.

 _Donnie._

He stiffened. She must have noticed the change because her tail stopped moving against him and he pulled his hands away from her, planting them on the hard surface of the rooftop to push himself up.

"What are you _doing_?" Donnie's surprised voice asked from the ledge in the direction of their meet-up point.

April scrambled off him, giving him an apologetic glance before stretching out her hand to help him up. He ignored it and got up on his own, feeling Donnie's eyes on him.

April pulled back her hand and turned to face his brother. "Sorry about that, kinda knocked Raph over when I tried to jump the gap. I might have miscalculated the distance and he tried to catch me..." She pointed with her thumb behind them.

"You tried to jump THAT?" Donnie's voice pitched up like it did when he was upset, he brushed past Raph without a second glance. "April! That was too dangerous! You could have been hurt."

"I didn't _try_ , I jumped it! I'm fine, Donnie. Was there something you wanted?"

There was. Donatello's tracker had picked up a couple signals for mutagen canisters and they were going to check it out. Leo's orders were to have Donnie escort April back to a safe sewer cover and then meet up with them to investigate but April was having none of that 'you aren't a full blown kunoichi yet' crap.

Donnie had looked at him without the scowl on his face for the first time all evening, asking for his support but he'd only been able to shrug back. He wasn't her keeper. It's not like she'll listen to him. Once she made her mind up there was no stopping her, they both knew it.

They followed Donnie to the rooftop of a warehouse where Leo and Mikey were hidden beside a skylight window.

"Donnie!" Leo pointedly looked at April and back at him.

"I know, Leo..." Donnie deflated in front of their leader's stern look.

"She would have just followed him back and come anyway." Raph interrupted what was surely about to become a lecture. "Might as well keep her close and an eye on her."

April grinned at him and he turned away. He didn't want her here either, it could be dangerous and he didn't think she was ready but he didn't really have a choice. Hopefully they could walk in, grab the stuff and walk out without a problem. Easy, right?

The plan went to hell the moment they set foot in the warehouse, as their plans usually did. Maybe Leonardo wasn't being completely paranoid when he saw traps everywhere. Stockboy along with Rhazar and Fishface were lying in wait expecting them to turn up, knowing they needed more mutagen to refine for a cure after witnessing April's transformation and their other batch smashing to nothing in the street.

Leonardo managed to grab both canisters and call a retreat, it was too risky to fight here knowing there might be reinforcements nearby. They sped away down a street in formation, keeping April in the middle, Mikey to her left, Donnie to her right, Raph on Donnie's right and Leo on the opposite side. He called out for them to hit the rooftops so they could move around more freely and lose their pursuers faster but juggling both canister while trying to pull out his grappling hook he fumbled one, falling behind as he avoided the green gloop than now splattered the street.

"Raph!" He called out before he launched the remaining canister in his direction, he would need both arms free in case he needed to fight his way out and he was starting to split away from the group to get them off their trail.

Raphael immediately changed direction to intercept, the glowing cylinder arching behind him as he slowed down to be in the right place when it would land. He was too late to notice the clothing line in the canister's trajectory, catching the bottom lid and making it spin, spilling its contents. By the time he saw what happened he was too late to shift his centre of gravity to jump out of the way.

"No!" Donnie yelled right beside him as he was tackled out of the way, his brother's body shielded him but the ooze missed them both.

"You... you saved me." Raphael said as he stared dazedly into his brother's worried reddish-brown gaze as the taller turtle was inspecting him for any damage. It morphed into hurt for a split second and then he growled at Raphael who was still laying on his shell.

"What? Of course I did!" He snapped back at Raph shaking him by the arms. "Get up! We have to move!"

Donnie yanked Raphael up and they ran full speed towards the group. It still took them a long time to lose Rhazar and longer still before they could meet up with Leo who had split from the group. By the time they had returned to the lair it was early morning and they were all exhausted.

They treated the few scratches and cuts they acquired in their brief brawl and then trudged off in the direction of their rooms. Donnie put a hand on Raph's shoulder to keep him back and when the others were out of earshot he yanked the confused turtle into the lab, sliding the door shut behind him.

"What was _that_ about? What was that 'you saved me?!' nonsense?" Donnie had modulated his voice to make Raph sound like a screechy kid. "Why on earth would you..."

"You didn't even hesitate." Raph cut off his tirade. It was too late for this. He rubbed his face with a large hand and sighed. "I just thought after these past few weeks that you..."

"That I would let _my brother_ get mutated?! Is _that_ what you think of me?" Donnie yelled angrily at him.

"I THOUGHT YOU HATED ME!" Raphael yelled back and immediately looked away at what he'd just said and the way his voice had cracked at the end. The hurt look on Donnie's face was back and it shouldn't be there. He was the one in the wrong and not Donnie. "I screwed up, Donnie. I'm so sorry. I should have never..."

"I've seen the way you look at her." Donnie said quietly and raised a hand when Raph started to apologize again. "I know you backed off." He continued. "I'm not sure I would have done the same in your position. Thanks for that, by the way, it meant a lot to me."

They stood in silence for a while. Donatello didn't move from his spot with his back to the door. Raph could tell he wanted to say something else with the way he was fidgeting but in the end he just nodded and turned, opening the door and stepping outside.

Raph's hand was on the doorknob to his bedroom when he finally spoke up. "Raph, wait." Raphael turned around to face him but it still took Donnie a moment before he spoke up. "Do you love her?"

Raphael froze. Out of all the things Donnie would have said or asked him, that was not one of things that had crossed his mind. He opened his mouth with a stricken expression but only a tiny, terrified 'meep' escaped.

"I see." Donnie said in the same quiet voice as he turned back to his room.

"No!" Raphael answered, way too late. "Donnie, no! Wait!" He pulled on his brother's arm to turn him in his direction but Donnie kept his body firmly facing away. "Donnie! It doesn't matter, okay? It doesn't matter, I won't... I won't do anything. I promise Donnie, please! I'm sorry." He pleaded desperately trying to pull his brother to him and wipe his face with his shoulder at the same time.

Donatello finally turned to face him and Raph could see the pained grimace he wore, silent tears darkening his mask. "It's okay," he whispered and put an arm around Raph, pulling him in close and holding him there with his other hand on his shoulder. "I don't hate you, okay? You're my brother, I could _never_ hate you. Okay?"

Raphael nodded quickly, not confident in his ability to talk without making embarrassing sounds.

"Okay." Donnie acknowledged and rubbed his shorter brother's arm affectionately. "I've been an awful brother, Raph. I'm the one who's really sorry." Raphael shook his head vehemently. "I _have_ and I _am_... really sorry, that is. I love you, okay? Nothing is going to change that." Raphael nodded and Donnie released him. "Get some rest." He said as he opened the door to his room.

"Donnie?"

"Yes, Raph?" Donatello stopped just inside his room, tilting his head slightly in his direction to show he was listening.

"I..." he hesitated, "me too, Donnie. Yeah, me too." Raphael shuffled his feet, uncomfortable with the turn of events.

Donatello snorted and shook his head and then grinned at him over his shoulder. "Yeah. I know."

Raphael nodded and watched as his brother closed the door behind him. This day had only gotten weirder and weirder. He was glad it was over and maybe he could start being normal with his brother again tomorrow. He sighed and pulled off his wet mask before entering his own room. The glow of his pumpkin lamp made him hesitate for a moment. _Did I leave that on before I left on patrol?_

"I thought you'd never come back!" He nearly jumped out of shell hearing April's voice come from the darkened corner by his drum set.

 _Well, shit._


	6. Chapter 6

"Wha?" Was the only thing Raph managed to say in response to April's ambush. He was frozen in place in the act of tossing his mask onto a hook by his bedside table.

"We need to talk." She stated firmly.

He unfroze at her words. "You shouldn't be here." He half-whispered back at her as he moved over to his bed and began pulling off his gear letting her know he was done. "Go to sleep, April." He said tiredly as he sat on the bed but she only moved to stand defiantly with her arms crossed in the middle of his room. "I can't do this right now."

Leaning forward he began unwrapping his knees and feet. She knew he would usually not bother on nights like these and just slept with them on. Now he was removing them probably only to keep busy and not look at her as he pulled up his walls around him. _Not tonight._

"You've got some nerve..." She began and the angry tone made his hands still and he settled his confused gaze on her. She was furious. "You two weren't very quiet out there." She said simply, as a means of explanation trying to keep her voice level.

Raphael seemed to sway a bit as his eyes widened. He swallowed thickly, "What did you...?"

"I heard it, Raph." She uncrossed her arms and shook her head. "I came here waiting for you so we could talk about the rooftop. I've been giving you space after we-" She hesitated, this was the first time she was addressing what had happened in front of the mirror weeks ago. "-kissed because it looked like you needed it. I thought it was because it was weird with me being a turtle and all," she shrugged, "but I guess that wasn't the reason at all, was it?" She eyed him and waited for a response but Raph only sat there gaping at her, terrified.

His expression dampened her own anger. She knew this was probably very difficult for him and he'd been nothing but supportive since she was mutated. That was no excuse for deciding with his brother about who could make a move and who had to 'back off' like she was just a passive participant whose opinion wasn't important in the whole matter.

"So what, did you think that if you backed off, suddenly I wouldn't be interested in you and notice Donnie, or...?" She wasn't sure if Raph was even blinking. "Raph?" She sighed and turned, ready to leave but before she reached the door he finally spoke up.

"Why now?" She barely heard his frightened whisper.

"What do you mean?"

"I've always..." he bit his lip and turned away, embarrassed by what he'd revealed without meaning to, "but you've never even looked at me that way before. Why now? How do I know it's not gonna change again just as quick?"

"It's not about me being a turtle!" She defended herself. "I haven't suddenly become attracted to turtles because I am one now." She sighed, pressing her fingers into her temple to soothe the headache there and measured her words carefully trying to organize her own feelings as well.

"Before, we never used to just talk or do anything together. I've gotten to know you better in the last weeks than I have in all the time since I first met you and I've never found you or your brothers, uhm," it was her turn to feel embarrassed, "unattractive..." She grinned at his blush and the way he turned away again. "But that on its own isn't going to pique my interest."

She walked over to him, sliding a hand under his chin and pulling gently so he'd look at her. He jumped at the contact as if she'd shocked him and she apologized softly, drawing back her hand from his face to place it on his own hand in his lap and squeezed it, sitting down beside him on the bed.

"What do we do now?" She asked him.

The revelation that he'd always had feelings for her had been huge but knowing how embarrassed it made him she decided to not ask him about it. She'd been worried that he had only become interested because of her turtle body though in reality she knew it wasn't likely by the reactions of the other turtles who had started treating her like another 'bro'.

Even Donnie wasn't looking at her the same way as before. He still had that soft expression when they talked but she spent most of the time walking around very naked and he didn't give her the appreciative glances she was used to. Not that they didn't used to make her feel uncomfortable before but with her body image and self esteem at an all time low, that change hadn't helped her confidence much.

She had to admit she wasn't feeling very feminine herself in this new androgynous body except when Raph watched her. When he'd found the tights she was currently wearing, the heat in his eyes and the lust (she now knew what that spicy smell was) in his scent as she sat on his bed and pulled them on carefully over each leg, had made her heart beat fast all afternoon and whenever she caught him stealing glances in her direction. When she'd shown her new look to Donnie he'd asked her if she was cold and offered to turn up the thermostat in the lair a couple degrees.

She wondered if he'd ever looked at her that way when she was human, only she hadn't ever paid him any attention. He'd been as invisible to her before as she was to his brothers now. She was attuned to his nuances now though. She knew the way he flinched slightly when he was caught caring too much about a brother, his blush when he received a real compliment, the way his hand twitched when he wanted to give comfort but was too embarrassed to actually do it, the way the wrinkled his nose slightly when he really liked something and he was trying not to smile and more recently, the soft voice he only used when it was just the two of them talking about anything and the bright unguarded smile he'd give her when she called his name.

He was shaking his head now and gave a half shrug at her question. Ah, well, it seemed like this was going to be up to her too. She leaned forward and pressed her mouth to his. He didn't move at first and his skin was freezing cold. She tilted her head and shuffled closer, her hands sliding up his muscled bare arms. She bit his bottom lip softly, touching it with her tongue and he moaned, leaning into her. His hands came up and she worried he might push her away but he gripped the edges of her carapace and she shuddered when he pulled her body closer to his, their plastrons scraping together.

As quickly as it had begun he stopped it, pulling her away and scooting back. "We can't." He panted, maintaining his grip on her to keep their distance. "Donnie..."

"Is not our keeper." She answered angrily. "He can't tell us who we can and can't be with."

"I don't want to hurt him." He mumbled miserably, his brow furrowed and his head down.

"You won't be able to protect him from that. This isn't going to make me fall for him, Raph, it just isn't going to happen. He's like my best friend but I don't feel that way for him."

"I can't..." He shook his head and released April when she pulled away from him. He sounded as if he were in pain. "April, I can't do this to Donnie. He'll hate me. I'll lose him..."

She stood up and crossed her arms again, her anger was back in full force. "He's your brother! How could he hate you for this? I can't believe he'd rather hurt us both than see you happy. He wouldn't, would he?" She asked her last question a little uncertainly and waited for Raph to answer but he stayed silent. "I guess we should find out then."

She spun on her heel and marched out the door, across the hall and straight to Donnie's door. When Raph realised she was going to confront Donnie right now, he shot up from the bed and followed her, reaching her before she could knock or open his brother's door.

"Don't! Please, it's not him, I made this choice, okay? It's all me." He pulled her back slightly and then wedged himself between her and the door, bodily blocking her path with his arms outstretched so she couldn't get past him.

"So you'd rather break your own heart _and_ mine to save Donnie a little heartache?" Raph flinched at her phrasing and she sighed. "You have to give him more credit, Raph. Donnie isn't that selfish. You need to trust that Donnie will love you through this and in the end he might even be happy for you."

"Don't make me choose, April." Raphael answered, dead serious, with the sort of finality he reserved for his opponents during combat but his face softened at her stricken expression. "Don't ask me to hurt my little brother over something that might not even work out."

April took a step back, "You don't think what I feel is real?"

Raphael's eyes darted for a moment behind her and she knew Leonardo must have woken up and poked his head out into the hall to see what was going on, they weren't being very quiet. Raph shook his head slightly and she heard Leo's door close quietly behind her. He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly before lowering his arms and straightening to his full height.

His green eyes snapped back to hers and he felt like a different person, detached and serene, so unlike his normal emotional, passionate self that April nearly retreated from him. "I don't doubt you felt something these past few weeks, but right now everything seems different to you. Soon Donnie will turn you human again and you'll recover your friends and family, your _life_ , and maybe this won't seem that important to you anymore. Maybe it will, I don't know."

April was shaking her head vehemently as she fought the burn of tears that were threatening to fall knowing what he was going to say next.

"Our world is tiny compared to yours, April. It's three other turtles and a rat and there's nothing more. That's fine for Leo and me, we understand this is all there is and we gotta just live with that but Donnie and Mikey... I would give anything to make them happy. If this is the price of making my little brother's life a bit brighter and easier then it's a small price to pay."

They stayed silent for a while, Raph's gaze didn't falter and April ended up looking away, stepping back and lowering her eyes.

"I'm sorry." He finally said in low tones.

"Me too." She answered with a trembling voice, letting her tears roll down her cheeks. She nodded and walked away silently to her room.

He watched her go and waited until she had closed the door before covering his face and letting out a shaky breath, hunching over into himself as his shoulders trembled.

"Are you okay?" His older brother asked him hesitantly from across the hall.

Raphael straightened again, wiping the moisture from his face quickly, "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He answered quickly and retreated to his room.

A third turtle sobbed silently into his hands, sitting on the ground in his darkened bedroom, carapace to the door his rough older brother had been guarding moments ago.


	7. Chapter 7

Prompt: Fight.

From her perch on the rafters April could see Leonardo's outline, green against black, the silhouette of his swords poking out over his shoulder and with his fist up in a sign to wait for his signal before moving in. Down in the warehouse below them a deal was being brokered between members of the Mafia and the Purple Dragons. With no word from Donnie and Mikey about the whereabouts of the arms cache they were searching for they had no choice but to wait and listen. Jump in too early or too late and they'd be whisked away to be sold at another time and they couldn't risk letting more Kraang tech fall into the wrong hands.

April's grip tightened on the beam she was balanced on, her muscles coiled and ready to spring into action when she saw one of the men gesture to another and they walked out with a small group to retrieve the merchandise. She could feel the adrenaline coursing through her as she waited, the fingers of her hand on her cloth-covered thigh were shaking and sweaty. She clenched them into a fist and tried to control her breathing without making any sound that would give her emotions away. This was the first real mission she was allowed to go on since her transformation that wasn't only surveillance and she wanted to prove her worth.

Being a mutant turtle had its advantages: as a human she probably wouldn't have been allowed to come along on this mission since they were expecting combat, but she'd been progressing quickly after she'd accepted her new (if temporary) shape as well as discovering and taking full advantage of the perks that were the increased strength, speed and resistance that came along with her reptilian body. It also didn't hurt that she had poured every ounce of frustration at her situation with Raph and Donnie into training.

Leonardo lowered his hand abruptly when he caught sight of the heavy crate being brought in by the men in suits and they all sprung into action. April launched herself from the 28 foot high beam, something that would have meant at least a broken leg or two had she been human, catching one of the men carrying the crate on the back of his head on the way down, knocking him instantly unconscious and preparing to fight off the others with her drawn tessen. She fumbled the landing, still a bit awkward at times with her footwork even after the weeks of training but she used her momentum to roll into another enemy, catching him with her carapace and bending his knee in a bad angle and ignoring the sickening crunch.

With five turtles the fight ended quickly, even with their reinforcements waiting outside. There was no mutagen to be found this night, as usual, but the streets would be a little safer with less kraang weapons in the black market. With the rate they were going April didn't think she'd be turned back before Christmas or midterms meaning there would be no doubt she'd be set back a year of school. She sighed as she waited on the lookout while Donnie destroyed the tech and Raph and Mikey finished tying up the criminals.

Things were still not normal between them even after a bit of time had passed. She avoided Leonardo's questioning glance when she sighed again and made sure to not do it a third time and give away her current mood. She didn't feel like talking about it any more, they'd already said everything they were ever going to. At least she didn't have to worry about Casey's feelings too, he seemed to be cured of his crush on her after she changed. She should be thankful for small mercies.

April hadn't realised the depth of Donatello's feelings until some time after her argument with Raphael. She'd always known about the taller turtle's crush but it hadn't seemed to be more than just that. At first she'd been angry at Raph for dismissing her feelings so quickly, thinking that he was exaggerating, that Donnie would be fine after a while. He'd be upset but he was a big boy and would get over it. Only he hadn't. Raphael and April hadn't even gotten together and Donatello had been crushed to the point it was painful to watch him try and fail to be casual about the whole thing.

It was obvious he'd heard them that night. He'd smile at her whenever April started talking to him but it would tremble on his face after a while, and he'd excuse himself. He was more silent and withdrawn than usual which was partly April's fault. It was difficult to get over it when the object of your heartbreak was in front of you all the time and took part in almost all of the same daily activities. If she had anywhere else to go, she would, being in this situation wasn't easy for her either or Raph, even if he was talking more normally with Donatello these days.

She only half listened to Leonardo's instructions before they started on their way back to the lair. Split into two groups April followed Leonardo while the others took another route together to cover more ground in case they caught sight of any mutagen on the way back.

That was the way groups were split these days, she hadn't been paired off with Donnie in a mission since, even though Master Splinter did pair them during practice with varying degrees of disastrous results. He was too passive and evasive with her during sparring and she'd felt so angry she ended up lashing out at him during morning training in frustration. Maybe when she was a human he could afford to be distracted when they fought but with her new physique and a well placed foot to the middle of his plastron she had sent him tumbling across the dojo mats and right into Michelangelo who only managed to half get out the way before being ploughed over.

They were a couple blocks from her old home when she came to a sudden stop, Leonardo pausing before the next jump to check why she wasn't following any longer.

"I need to go do something. I'll go back on my own later." She said by way of explanation as she turned to go in the direction of her dad's apartment.

Leonardo blinked in confusion as she turned away from him dismissively before coming up to her, following in her path. "We've got time. I'll go with."

April sighed and held her hand out to him making him stop. "I want to be alone a while. Okay?" She met Leo's worried gaze and continued. "I'll be at my house, I'm not going to go running around on my own." She crossed her arms and stood up straight. She wouldn't budge on this. She felt as if she were suffocating back at the lair and she knew what her presence was doing to the others. A little time away from each other wouldn't be a bad thing. Besides, there wasn't really anything Leonardo could say at this point to convince her and she was ready to go regardless of his opinion on the matter.

* * *

Leonardo returned to the lair on his own.

Raphael looked up from the den when he heard the turnstiles. "What took you so long?" He demanded as his eyes scanned the leaf green turtle for any injuries. It wasn't like Leonardo to get home late without warning so there must have been a problem since they were on a more direct path home and should have arrived before Raph and his brothers. When he realised he hadn't heard a second sound of turnstiles he uncrossed his arms and stared into the tunnel, hoping to find April had just fallen behind.

Leonardo was getting fidgety.

"Where's April?" Donatello asked from the lab door.

Even Donnie had been worried about their delay, writing it off and making a million logical excuses why they could have taken longer to get back but as time went on his glances in the direction of the entrance were increasing in frequency along with him checking his phone for any news.

"She just... needed some space." Leonardo began to explain trying to sound as if it were nothing but the way he pressed his lips together and held himself tensely proved he didn't think this was a good idea. They probably argued about it for quite a while before he came back.

"You left her alone?!" Donatello's voice screeched in alarm.

"Well, what was I supposed to do? She isn't in any danger, she's at her old apartment but she made it clear she didn't want to be disturbed for a while."

"It's not you she doesn't want to see. You could have stayed." Donatello reasoned as he started crowding Leonardo back towards the turnstiles, getting ready to drag him back to April's.

"You mean after she slammed the door in my face? I'm pretty sure she doesn't want me there." Leonardo rubbed his face and groaned in exasperation.

"Maybe I could..." Mikey began to say but was quickly interrupted.

"No." Leonardo made a slashing movement with his hand. "She told me she needed a few hours to herself and she promised not to leave the building. She'll call me later when she's going to head back."

They accepted his call begrudgingly but instead of going off to do their own thing they all waited in the pit in varying states of unease. Leo had the TV volume only just loud enough to make out the words, Mikey was quietly eating pizza and he never did _anything_ quietly and Raph was reading a comic book he hadn't turned a single page of the whole time he was there. Even Donnie was working on his laptop on the bench, his phone face-up by his thigh and sitting so he had a clear view of the entrance with a quick glance up from his screen.

They heard loud footsteps and the four of them tensed, Leonardo frowning as he checked to see if he'd missed any calls or messages on his phone. He hadn't. And it wasn't April. Casey's off-key singing drifted down the tunnel and they all turned back to what they were pretending to do.

Raph got up muttering something under his breath as the teen turned the corner and hopped over the turnstiles.

"Yo Raph!" He said too loudly as he raised his fist for a bump. He pulled down his headset to his neck and the riffs of a guitar solo could be heard.

"Isn't that a little too loud." Leonardo commented from the bench as the teen sauntered closer.

Casey's answer was a cackle as he stepped over the back of the bench to sit down beside the turtle. "Red not back yet?"

They all frowned and glanced over to Raph, sure he had leaked the information and the turtle shrugged. It was past midnight and she wasn't back yet, what was he supposed to do? Instead of showing worry Casey snorted. "Women..." He answered as he fished out his phone from his pocket scrolling down on the screen.

"Wait, you're not thinking about... April said..." Leo started but snapped his mouth shut when Casey put the phone to his ear.

"Hey, Red. What's up?"

There was silence for a moment before Casey started talking again, not caring that they were listening in on the conversation. Raphael sighed in relief when it seemed like she was okay, Casey had a cocky half-smile. "Yeah, Raph told me you went to your place, what's up with that?"

They talked for a while, Casey telling her about the stuff she'd missed at school, mostly about hockey games and how someone had left the mic on after an announcement and the whole school had heard Samantha Jenkins telling how "Rick asked her for a blow job behind the gym bleachers when they were making out but someone ran in and turned it off before she told any of the good stuff." Donnie wrinkled his snout in distaste at the story and shook his head but he seemed more relaxed.

"Yeah well," Casey continued while the turtles started to get into their activities realising April would be fine. "Maybe when you're human again we could go out sometime and watch a movie or something, grab a bite, make a date of it, you know."

Leonardo glanced between Raph and Donnie who had tensed up at the words and didn't fail to catch the brief look they shared.

"Fine. Yeah, I'll tell them." Casey replied. "Catch ya later, Red." He ended the call and stretched, picking up his stuff as he got ready to go.

"So?" Raph asked him when he began walking to the entrance without actually telling them anything and physically blocking Casey's path.

"Oh! Yeah, uh." He scratched the back of his head with a sheepish smile. "She says she's gonna stay at her place for a few days."

"What?!" Raph, Leo and Donnie all answered at once.

"Woah, she reeeeally doesn't like it here anymore. Can't really blame her though." Mikey commented and Casey shrugged in resigned agreement.

"Yeah, welp, see ya." Casey started walking away again but Raph spun him around by a shoulder. "What do you want me to do?!" He whined at Raph. "She's at HER house. It's not like she's run off to join a circus and you can't just kidnap her back. Maybe it'll be good for you, ya know... distance or some shit. It's been really tense here lately, you guys used to be more fun. You know, before you all dumped each other or whatever it was that happened."

"That's not what happened, things just aren't the same any more..." Donatello started to say.

"I don't wanna know, Donnie. It doesn't matter. I thought you guys were closer than this. Jeez, it's not like she tried to murder your best friend or nothing. How do you think _I_ feel?" He glared a little at Raph and he had the decency to avert his eyes sheepishly. "But you guys are still my friends and she's still my friend." He paused, expecting someone to say something but no one spoke. "Anyways, you have to fix this mess on your own, I'm not dealing with your shit."

After that, Casey walked out with a backwards wave and a "later dudes" and the turtles were left in silence.

"Casey's right. Wow, I never thought I'd say that." Leonardo spoke after a while. "This has been going on long enough. You two need to talk things out and fix this and then go talk to April. Come on, Mikey." He motioned Mikey to leave them be and the smaller turtle hesitated before standing up and walking behind his older brother.

Both turtles sat in silence as they stared at the floor. Raphael didn't want to do this. What else was there to say? How else could he say he was sorry? He didn't know how to fix this, he'd been the cause of it. Donatello closed his laptop firmly, drawing Raph's attention as he stood up, nodding towards the lab. His brothers wouldn't stay in the kitchen forever and they didn't really have much privacy where they were even if they did.

Once they were behind closed doors Raph decided to speak up. "Donnie, I'm sorry." He was so sick of repeating himself over and over but if it was what he needed to do after his fuck up then he would. "This is all my fault. If I could take it all back I would. I don't know what I was thinking, I never had a chance with her and I shouldn't have..."

"No." Donatello interrupted, cutting his speech short.

Raph gave his brother a confused and slightly annoyed look when Donnie didn't follow up with anything after that word. "No?"

"I was so angry at you." Donatello started and when he looked up at Raphael his irises seemed almost red and brimming with fury.

Raphael crossed his arms defensively expecting Donatello to start telling him exactly what he thought of Raph's behaviour but during the long pause he thought back to what Donatello had said. "You _were_ angry?"

"This isn't your fault, Raph and it wasn't my place to interfere." When Raph started to complain he lifted his hand and stopped him so he could continue. "I was an idiot thinking that if I stopped what was going on between you two I could continue as if nothing happened. It was stupid to think that."

"You're not stupid." Raph said. "I hurt you."

"I hurt _you_ and it was for nothing." Donatello continued. "There will _always_ be someone else, a Casey or whoever it is that ends up with her and it won't hurt any less." His shoulders slumped. "It was never me."

Raphael shook his head though he wasn't sure what he was saying no to. Donatello stepped forward and placed his cold hands on Raph's stocky shoulders trying to get him to look into his eyes but he couldn't. This was all wrong.

"I know you still love her." Donnie continued grinning weakly at Raph's confusion. "You still look at her that way, it's _so_ obvious. And what you did for me... I don't think I would have been able to do the same thing if I were in your place. Believe me, I know the odds of one of us having a chance like the one you threw away for me. Thank you for that, by the way." Donatello said with a soft nudge against his brother's shoulder.

Raph shrugged, keeping his eyes fixed down and to the side, brushed away a bit of wetness from the corner of his eye roughly with a fist and bit the inside of his cheek.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you with my selfishness." Donnie's voice broke startling Raph as his long limbs bent and curled around his shorter brother pulling him into a loose embrace. "I can't believe I made you choose between us, I'm such an idiot." He pulled away when Raph started to fidget.

"I never meant to hurt you, Donnie." Raph whispered, trying to cough away the knot in his throat that made his voice sound weird.

"I know." Donnie smiled sadly and then turned more serious, holding him at arm's length and squeezing his shoulders. "And now you have to get her back, Raph."

Raphael gawked at his words as if he was being completely insane. "How am _I_ gonna bring her back if she wants to stay in her apartment to stay away from us?"

"No, Raph. You have to get her _back_." Donnie waited until understanding came over him. "By Darwin's beard, if you let her go only for her to end up with that jackass..." He motioned in the direction Casey had gone earlier.

"Hey! You call _me_ a jackass every other day."

"Yes, but you're MY jackass." Donnie retorted as he crossed his arms, hesitating slightly when he realised how strange that had come out and Raph wasn't sure how if he was supposed to feel offended or not. "This is how it's going to be for me, Raph, and I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't suck but I'm just not _the one_. You being with her won't change that and if I just ruined your chance in a million to have something like this, I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself."

Donatello shook his head but then straightened and lowered his voice, giving Raphael a fierce glare. "And if you have a chance the rest of us only dream about and you just let it go without a fight, I'll never forgive you."

"She can't even look at me..." Raph complained while Donnie opened the lab door and began herding him toward the entrance, ignoring his other brothers that abruptly stood up and pretended they hadn't been eavesdropping with their ears glued to the door.

"You're kidding, right?" Mikey answered. "She can barely take her eyes off you, bro. Now go bring our sister-in-law back!"

"Sister-in-law? What? Are you crazy?!" Raphael sputtered as now he was faced with two brothers herding him out of the lair.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, don't listen to him, Raph." Leonardo interrupted as he joined Donnie and Mikey. "Just tell her what's in your heart. Be true to yourself and you'll reach her."

Raphael slapped his palm against his face. "Oh. My. God. That is the corniest thing... this isn't Space Heroes, Lame-o-nardo."

"Wait!" Michelangelo yelled and they all paused. "If Raph makes up with April and they kiss won't it be weird? It'll be like he's kissing me. I don't know how I feel about that."

Leo and Donnie twisted their faces into different expressions of disgust, shuddering.

"SHE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE MIKEY!" Raphael yelled, his left eyelid twitching in irritation as he stomped off into the tunnels.

"Pssssh, totally looks like me. Put me in dark leggings and sleeves and he wouldn't be able to tell the difference, we're both adorable." Michelangelo said once Raph was out of earshot and the chances of him getting beaten to a pulp were low.

Leonardo snorted behind his hand and Donnie shook his head as they went back to the pit and waited.


	8. Final

April wasn't sure what she was expecting would happen once she got home. She drew the curtains closed in her house and sat in the dark in the dusty living room couch for what felt like an hour before Casey called, startling her out of her stupor.

The house had felt all wrong, the doorknobs didn't fit right in her hands, she had to shift sideways to get into the pantry to see how much food there was and even the small tub didn't fit her shell right. She'd had trouble climbing out of it once the curve of her carapace had gotten stuck at the bottom. By the time she did get out, reached for her bathrobe and realised it wouldn't go all the way around her shell (not by a long shot), she'd felt like crying. Her house didn't fit her any more.

She finally did when she walked past her dad's room and caught a whiff of his scent, still strong despite the time he'd been gone. She missed him so much it hurt.

They only had five out of ten canisters for her dad's retromutagen. Five out of twenty if you included the amount they needed for her dose as well. Curled up on the couch she wondered briefly what her dad would think after being turned back and realising what his daughter had turned into. Would he want her to stay here despite what she'd become or would he think it was a better idea for her to live in the lair with the other turtles? _Would he send me away?_

She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut dispelling the sombre thoughts and blinking away any more tears that threatened to fall. Maybe deciding to stay here on her own for a few days was a bad idea. She'd be alone with her miserable thoughts about how much her life sucked now.

"It doesn't suck, it's different and it's temporary." She said out loud, trying not to think about the semester she was failing, her dad being a giant mindless bat-monster, how she'd messed things up with the only family she had left in the lair...

A muffled thud on the fire escape outside of the window had her on her feet and on high alert immediately. With her tessen in her hand and her thumb hovering over the emergency button on her t-phone she flattened herself against the wall by the window and waited for any sign of movement. She should have listened to Leo, this was such a bad idea. The apartment must have had some kind of surveillance and they were attacking now while they thought she was asleep. Well, they'd be in for a surprise.

The window slid up quietly as she held her breath and someone poked their head in the room, she lifted her closed tessen, a quick strike to the back of their head and if they were alone it would give her enough time to pull the body inside and make her escape.

"April?" A familiar voice whisper-called and her strike stopped just before touching the back of his head but he must have felt the air move, flinching back in surprise and bumping his head against the top of the window frame.

"Raph! Are you okay? You scared me! Haven't you heard of knocking?" She helped him through the window as he groaned holding his head.

"I thought you were asleep or something." He tried to pull her fussing hands away but she made him sit down and began prodding his skull until he winced when she touched the tender spot.

"You're going to have a lump on the top of your head but it doesn't look serious." He snorted at her as if it were obvious and she pulled away from him, sighing. "What are you doing here, Raph? Did Leo tell you to come?"

"No?" He stated but it came out more as a question. "Sorta." He corrected and then looked around. "Hey, isn't this place a little empty?" He asked, delaying the conversation he wasn't sure about how to start.

April lost her defensiveness and uncrossed her arms, deflating. "Yeah. My Aunt is moving some of our stuff to her flat and putting the rest in storage." She gestured to the boxes piled up near the entrance. "The lease is up at the end of the month and Dad's accounts are empty and she's already had to sell a bunch of things to pay for everything she could before we'd be evicted."

Raphael blinked at the explanation, looking a bit confused. April guessed turtles never really had to bother to find out what renting an apartment entailed. "I'm sorry." He finally answered softly, not really knowing what else to say. "Did you know?"

"Yeah." April shrugged dismissively. "I've talked to her on the phone and stuff but there really isn't much I can do about it. She can't really pay two rents until we come back and since she doesn't really know what's going on, well..." Her voice trailed off at the end.

She didn't want to talk about the last conversation she'd had with her aunt. The way she had cried begging April to come back, that whatever it was that had happened they'd work things out but to please come back. She didn't ask her aunt what she was implying because she wouldn't have an alternative story to give her anyway and the current one of "I'm on vacation with Dad." wasn't cutting it anymore when she couldn't put her Dad on the phone and ran out of excuses about the reasons why.

"If there's anything I can do to help..." Raphael told her, putting a hand on her shoulder and surprising her with the gesture, he'd been avoiding even being near her ever since...

She nodded and pulled away putting a bit of distance between them. "Yeah, anyway, she's going out of town for a few days starting tomorrow and won't be back to move more stuff out until after the trip so I'm just going to stay here for a bit."

"I talked to Donnie." Raphael said quickly, as if he were trying to derail that argument before it started.

After a moment of stunned silence he fidgeted under April's stare. "What does that mean?" She asked slowly, regretting it instantly. This was the crap she was trying to get away from by being here and she couldn't take more bad news with the way things were going with her life.

"We talked and uh, well... he's fine. Okay, not really fine, he's still a mess but he's uh... not so messed up anymore." Raphael was tripping over his words as April looked on. "About us! I mean, he's okay... about us." He finished lamely.

April started nodding, slight movements that were more about her digesting information than actually agreeing with what Raphael had just said, her gaze fixed to the side to a mark on a carpet where some heavy piece of furniture used to be. Raph stared at her hopefully for a long moment but his expression melted away ad turned into worry as the silence went on. She could feel his green eyes on her but she couldn't meet them, just kept nodding as she turned a thought over and over in her mind.

"April?" He took a step in her direction, reaching out with a hand.

She couldn't give him the answer he was after, didn't really know what he expected of her after the disaster their lives had become when they began toying with the idea of being together. This was one knot she didn't know how to untangle but it wasn't the only one that was there. "Would you help me with something?" She asked him, intercepting his advance with her question.

Raphael looked slightly disoriented at different path her conversation took him but recovered quickly. "Anything." He answered determinately, slightly relieved at the change in the conversation. "What do you need?"

"I need to go do something. Come with me?" when he seemed to hesitate she added. "To my Aunt's house. It won't take long, I promise."

Perhaps she couldn't stop the direction her life was headed, she couldn't undo what had happened between her, Raph and Donnie, she couldn't keep from failing a grade, she couldn't turn herself back into a human and there was nothing more she could do to turn her father back that she wasn't doing already but there were still a couple things within her power.

Leonardo would never accept, their existence was supposed to be secret, everyone who was let in on it found themselves immediately in danger and it increased their own risk of being discovered. But Leonardo wasn't here to stop what she was planning to do.

Raphael stared at her for a long time. He probably had an inkling of what she intended on doing, had been there during the long arguments she'd had with Leonardo about this and had stayed mostly out of it though he probably agreed with his brother. "Are you sure?" He asked her finally and at her nod only stood aside to let her get to the window, following her close behind.

* * *

From her perch on the rooftop ledge April felt much like she had earlier that night before the mission only this time she was waiting for the right moment to talk to her aunt. She was still up, reading on her bed with the bedside lamp on so April didn't have that excuse to not go confront her. It had all seemed so much simpler in her head, she'd go see her aunt and after the initial shock of "who are you and why do you sound like my niece" she'd explain the situation, there would hopefully be a lot of hugging and she could go back to the lair with one less thing weighing her down.

"Okay." She said more to herself as she stood up than to Raph who nervously waited beside her without saying a word. She could tell he didn't think this was a good idea, he was doing that thing with his face where he'd stick his bottom lip out and up, pushing in his top lip a bit that reminded her a bit of Kermit the Frog but she would never dare say it out loud. At least not to his face.

She crouched on the ledge ready to drop to the fire escape when he placed a hand on her shoulder, surprising her when she realised it wasn't to talk her out of it.

"I'll be nearby if you need me." He told her before ducking back out of sight.

She nodded back at the darkness knowing he'd see it before dropping down to the fire escape, not as silently as she would have liked but still pretty pleased with herself. She pulled out a small knife from the wraps at her wrist and used it to pry open the window she knew had a loose latch. Quietly entering the apartment she hesitated at the door to her aunt's bedroom. Walking in on her might not be the best idea, so she breathed in slowly and walked over to the light switch. It was now or never.

"Aunt Sarah?" She called out at the same time as she turned on the lights in the living room. "Aunty, it's me. I'm home."

There were a few seconds of silence that felt like an eternity before she heard her aunt answer and her rushed footsteps towards the door that separated them both. "April?! April, is that y-"

Her aunt froze at the door once she set her gaze on the mutant turtle standing in the living room, her eyes wide with surprise and her mouth open as she stared.

"Hey." April answered sheepishly, curling and uncurling a three-fingered hand. "I can ex-"

She was cut short when her aunt gave a blood-curdling scream, making April flinch back from the noise. Her eyes hadn't been round with surprise but with terror. "Monster!" She yelled and April pulled her hands from her ears and opened her eyes just in time to see the end table with the phone on it swinging at her.

April twisted to the side and she received a glancing blow on her temple, knocking her off balance and then another on soft bridge between her plastron and carapace when she lifted her arms to shield her head. The blow knocked the wind out of her and onto the floor.

"I can expl-" She wheezed out desperately as she scrambled to get back on her feet and to pull air into her lungs. "It's me!"

"What have you done to them, MONSTER! WHERE ARE THEY?!" Her aunt yelled as she struck April on the ground, the wooden table coming loose as it hit her arm and then shattering against her carapace when she turned her back.

April crawled away on shaking hands and knees, dazed at what was going on and trying to put some distance between them while she got her bearings. She hadn't been seriously hurt when the table shattered but it had jarred her further and her side was still on fire, her eyesight a bit blurry and dizzy from the first hit. When she reached the large display cabinet at the other end of the room and nothing more happened she turned around and found her aunt had gone back in to her room. April took a moment to breathe in, holding onto her side and preparing to call out to her again when her breath hitched as she heard the rushed footsteps back into the living room and a click.

Her aunt had gone to retrieve her uncle Dan's .38 revolver she still kept in her dresser after he'd passed away.

April gaped back at her aunt who'd just cocked the gun and was aiming it at her with surprisingly steady hands. Her ninja training hadn't covered dodging bullets. She thought dazedly as she watched her aunt's furious expression, her own mouth trembling as she realised she was about to be gunned down by her own family.

"N-no! W-wait! Don't!" April screeched and lifted a large three-fingered hand into what would be the trajectory while Aunt Sarah aimed for her chest as if by doing this April could maybe shield herself from the bullet somehow, when a blur of red and green charged April, pulling her out of the way a moment before the revolver went off missing the target completely.

The bottles in the display cabinet near where April's head had been exploded, raining bits of glass and wine over them. "APRIL! RUN!" Raphael ordered as he shoved her in front of him and out of the open window.

April could barely recall the mad dash up the side of the building, still stunned from what had just transpired. She thought a few more rounds had been fired as they escaped, but she couldn't be sure. Maybe it was all just the first one that still echoed in her ears long after they'd left her aunt's house.

They ran over the rooftops for a while even having to turn around and loop back to head back in the direction of the lair and not slowing down until they both had dropped down the manhole and Raph had dragged the cover back into place. They walked down the tracks of the unused subway tunnel near the entrance of the lair in silence and in the dark side by side. She was grateful for it, didn't need a talk about how it had been a bad idea in the first place. Wouldn't be able to take it. She felt as if she was holding herself together with bits of string and sheer willpower, reminding her of the the she'd felt on the night she'd been mutated.

Somehow this seemed more permanent.

Before she realised it they'd walked through the turnstiles, three turtles looking up at them with relieved and smiling faces before their expressions froze as they noticed her condition. April changed her course and headed straight to the showers, intent on avoiding any recount of the situation that was still too fresh in her mind and left Raphael to deal with worried brothers needing answers. Hopefully when she was done they either wouldn't need her explanations or she'd had enough time to pull herself together.

April took way too long in the shower. Her nerves felt raw as the droplets pelted against her. Her skin felt paper thin as the water scorched her, stung the cuts and scrapes on her arms and the side of her head as she rubbed away the grime and dried blood. She stood under the pour of steaming water while she felt herself become unmade as if she'd fallen into the vat of mutagen again, only this time instead of reshaping her body it was ripping apart her last link to her normal life, her family and herself as a human.

 _No._ She thought to herself as she curled her hands into fists that she'd been staring at. _I'm still me. I am more than my body and how I look. I am more than what I do or where I am or what people see and how they treat me. I will always be me no matter what shape I am._

She turned off the water after her mental pep talk and dried herself off, repeating some of the words under her breath like a mantra. She didn't bother to put her gear or items of clothing back on and walked out into the living room after a brief glance in the direction of the steamed mirror and a deep breath as she opened the door to find... no one waiting for her.

The room was darkened, only the dim emergency lights were on and it looked like everyone had gone to bed. Maybe Raph had explained it all and told them to back off. Somehow she doubted that,. If Leonardo knew she'd gone against his direct orders and put herself in such a dangerous situation he'd be yelling right about now, or would have yelled when he was told earlier and the walls weren't all that thick. Maybe they were afraid she'd leave again if they pushed her too hard but now it was more obvious than ever that she didn't really have anywhere else to go. She sighed and headed for her bedroom, suddenly very tired.

 _I didn't really want to talk to anyone anyway._ She thought to herself, squashing the hint of disappointment she'd felt at finding herself left alone after she'd decided to stop avoiding everyone. _I gave myself a speech and everything_. She mused with a hint of humour.

She headed to her bedroom, the promise of rest and sleep making her quicken her pace until she was in the safety of her room where she didn't have to pretend she was fine all the time, only once she was inside she found Raphael was waiting for her, sitting on her bed with his arms crossed in front of him.

She stood in front of him as they stared at each other, neither wanting to be the first to start speaking. Finally, April gave a long sigh and rubbed her eyes pressing the pads of finger and thumb into the tear ducts to ward off the headache that was threatening to run rampant at any moment. Not to rub away any hint of tears, nope.

"I'm really tired, Raph, can we just leave it for now?" April said tiredly as she put down her stuff on a chair that sat in the corner. She could feel his eyes still on her, following her every movement and with her skin still damp from the shower and the lack of anything else on her she felt as if she were parading around naked in front of him.

Well, technically she _was_ naked even though she wasn't showing anything, but without her arms and legs covered or even her belt, as strange as that sounded, she felt completely nude. She wasn't sure how to deal with his attention, she'd craved it before it all went south, but now and specially after Raph had told her that he was finally fixing things with Donnie she felt as if she had to tread carefully to try repair the relationships in this tiny clan of ninjas, or at least not make it any worse.

The noise of a metallic tin lid coming off had her turn towards her bed which Raphael still refused to get off of. "Come over here." He told her. "You're a mess."

She gave him a bored look that said "seriously?" but his expression didn't falter and she knew she wouldn't be able to get rid of him until she let him patch her up. She plodded over and dropped onto the mattress, making him bounce a little and the springs complain but he said nothing as he rummaged around for some antiseptic and pulled her arm into his lap to start working.

They sat in near total silence except for the occasional wince and muttered apology, a bit more frequent when he had to go about pulling out splinters and even a shard of glass or two from the back of her shoulder, in the crease where it fused into the carapace. At some point during the task his fingers had stopped touching her lightly looking for more splinters or bits of glass and now roamed over the damaged areas, the frown on his face deepening as they reached the scrapes that marred what used to be a spotless, smooth carapace where the table had been smashed, exploding into a million pieces.

When he was done rubbing the mark with the palm of his hand as if he could smooth it out that way and make it disappear, his hand and eyes moved over to her temple where the table had glanced off of. He hesitated a second, his hand hovering over her jaw before resting his cold fingers against her skin and gently turning her head to get a better look. It didn't really hurt anymore, had only jarred her for a moment long enough to not be able to react properly or avoid the rest of the attack. She would probably only have a bump and a bit of a bruise tomorrow.

"Did you tell them?" She asked suddenly, surprised she'd said anything even after the words came out of her.

His eyes darted to hers before going back to the side of her head. "Nah. Told them something happened on the way back but that you'd tell em tomorrow or whenever." He dropped his hand from her face to his lap, turning his face and gaze away from her now that he had no excuse to keep going and they both sat there not knowing what else to say.

April watched his hands as they put away the items he'd pulled out of the first aid kit carefully, suddenly missing his touch, wishing she had more injuries to patch up or examine, more scrapes to brush searching fingers over and offer comfort for.

"You got yourself a bump of your own tonight too." She mentioned and lifted a hand to the back of his head, cupping it gently to not prod the soar she knew he had from hitting his head against the window frame.

They both froze as soon as she made contact, green eyes searching blue and it only took a tiny increase of pressure of her fingers on the back of his head for him to lean towards her. His gaze was questioning and his approach hesitant, pausing right before they touched. His warm breath tickled her face as he breathed through his mouth so close to her and then he brushed his snout tentatively against hers. That tiny amount of friction felt a lot better than it should have and April pulled Raphael a little closer, tugging the nape of his neck slightly with the pads of her fingers, tilting her face up to nudge his snout with hers enough so that she could reach his parted lips with her mouth.

Raphael seemed to wake up then, his hands had been resting limply on his lap until that moment but now slid over her, along her smooth carapace to pull her closer, using a rough, cold palm placed on her heated cheek to tilt her head a bit more and seal their mouths together more comfortably. Raph dipped his tongue between their joined lips as one would dip a toe in the water to check if it was okay before diving in and when April met the prodding tongue with hers they both moaned and tossed all hesitation aside.

 _I'm making out with Raph_. April kept repeating in her head which was very different to what had happened the first time in the bathroom when they'd just started touching and... kept touching until they were tasting each other without really thinking about it.

As a human she didn't really have much experience in this aspect to really compare it with, most of it was made up of a single game of "spin the bottle" she'd been convinced to play on an overnight class field trip which she wished she could forget. The one thing she could recall is that as a human, making out with another boy had been a lot more... squishy and grabby, were the words that came to mind. It was nothing like what was happening with Raph, _I'm making out with Raph, oh my God_.

Raph was rough and hard, mostly made up of sharp edges and... teeth. April groaned as his wide mouth hovered over her shoulder and then opened around it, seared her whole shoulder with the heat of his mouth and made her shake with pleasure as he dragged his teeth over her thick skin. She tilted her head away from Raph, arching her neck back with another low groan and pushing her face against his rough palm. He shushed her and shifted his thumb over her lips and then slid his hand down her front, thumb dragging over her chin and the curve of her throat until it reached her plastron. He used it to scratched along the vertical groove in the centre of her chest making her shiver and squirm as it combined with another bite on her jaw and his fingers curling into the soft sensitive skin below her clavicle, hidden by the lip of her leathery plates.

He pulled away for a moment to shush her again softly, nuzzling into her cheek and then covering her mouth again with his own which she devoured, dizzy with lust and surrounded by his spicy scent like a heavy blanket. She moaned against his lips, muffled by his exploring tongue and was probably still being a bit too loud but as she let herself be swept away her troubling thoughts were replaced with desire for him, something she clung to with all her strength. Something was going right and she wasn't going to let it slip through her fingers this time around.

In a moment of clarity as she was trying to lower her volume, April realised she was literally clinging to him, holding onto the edge of his carapace with both hands in a white-knuckled grip. She used this grip, and her mutant turtle strength, to push Raphael back against the headboard. His hands released her in surprise and fisted into the sheets at the unexpected move but he didn't have time to do anything else other than gasp when April followed him, crawling on her knees onto his lap and took possession of his mouth once again.

April straddled him but after a moment Raph began to make that rumbling noise she'd heard him do before and spread his knees apart, lifting one foot onto the bed, the other resting flat on the floor and tilted back a little. At the movement April listed to the side, catching herself with the toes of her outstretched leg on the ground and avoided slipping further when Raphael looped his arms around her, supporting part of her weight. The shift caused her tail to brush against the inside of Raph's thigh, the treacherous appendage was wiggling and swishing from side to side, and she jumped a little when she felt it. It was ridiculously sensitive which was why most of the time she kept it tucked between her legs covering other even more sensitive parts but sometimes it seemed to have a mind of its own.

This time April actually jumped when she felt Raph slide the hand resting on the lower part of her carapace further down and his fingers curled around her twitching tail. He pulled it away from his thigh, rubbing it gently between them. She gasped and bucked her hips once against him without meaning to, not expecting it to feel the way it did and then held herself still, pressed against him as he did it again, this time a little more slowly, rubbing and pulling it gently from the base, spreading the wetness that was accumulating on the underside making it slick and easier to slide between his fingers.

It felt amazing and only made her more desperate to be touched closer to her centre, just underneath the base of her tail. She panted over Raphael's shoulder close to her hands that still had a firm grip on his carapace above his shoulders and couldn't help but push her hips back and up against his hand, lowering and tipping her shoulders down and against him as she shook with desire.

"A-April..." Raph moaned and then reached further down and stroked her slit with the pad of a thick finger.

"Please... Raph, please." She begged into his neck, biting it softly.

She removed her vice like grip from him and slid her hands down his body, dipping her fingers along the creases and grooves of his sides until they settled on his thighs to explore the warm skin where they disappeared into his shell, making him breath harder.

"Oh God." He breathed, and then said it again while his legs began to tremble beneath her fingertips.

He still didn't give her what she needed even though she was rocking against his hand that was lightly brushing a finger over her slit instead of burying it deep inside her to touch and soothe the maddening burn within her that only seemed to grow in intensity. Her hands shifted so she could brush her thumbs over the inside of his thighs but when his breath hitched and they brushed something else she looked down to find a thick swollen tail curled up, jutting up between his legs. The long slit near the base was spread open a little with something glistening and dark pink peaking out.

 _That's his... oh._ She thought a bit dazedly and couldn't stop herself from reaching down and brushing her fingers over the glistening, smooth bulge.

Raphael yelped at her initial touch but spread his thighs a little more to give her room and lifted his hips a bit with a groan, the muscles in his legs tensing and shaking as April ran her fingers over it again. His own hands had stilled when she started her explorations but she had something else in mind that would satisfy them both. She lowered her hips again and shifted forward spreading her legs over his to sit flush against him.

"April, what..." He began to ask, watching her through half lidded, questioning eyes but curling his pelvis up to meet her halfway, hands on her hips helping her grind against him, their tails rubbing and sliding wetly against one another.

She pressed a little more firmly against him, finding the bump on his tail and using it to nudge her entrance. He grunted and looped an arm behind her carapace, keeping her still as he scrunched up his face in concentration. She felt it then, the pressure between her legs increasing, spreading, stretching. Raphael let out a long, drawn-out moan as his member slid out of his body and pushed into hers relaxing his hold on her once they were joined, leaning back and letting out his breath in short shaky puffs.

"Hah, A-april... ah!" His trembling hands curled around her hips again and he rocked her a bit, trying to encourage her to start moving but with her legs spread open so wide and hardly any leverage she whined in response as her toes slid against the concrete floor and only managing to shift a little on him.

She felt so stretched and full but the uncomfortable pinching subsided after a moment and April was able to bend her legs back to find purchase on his thighs enough to rise and fall with a small, uneven bounce of her hips. _This was probably a really bad idea._ The thought passed through her head but dissipated quickly as she obtained the friction deep inside her body she was craving and neared the edge she wanted to tumble over so badly.

Raphael came first with a pained grunt and he curled his body around her, gripped her hard enough to leave marks and bucked his hips up erratically as he spilled inside of her. April didn't realise what was happening at first, could only feel the searing heat spreading inside her core and the frustration at not being able to move the way she needed on top of him because of the way he was holding her still until it started spilling out between her legs. It felt so good at first, something inside her was throbbing, pulsing against her inner walls and pouring into her. She came with those sensations, slumping against a recovering Raphael that held her in his quivering arms before scooting down the bed and laying down to rest.

They dozed tangled in a heap together, she hadn't bothered to climb off him and was still draped over Raph in the same position she'd ended up in after their coupling. He lazily drew patterns over the whorls of her carapace, fingers occasionally drifting over bare skin to draw out a shiver or a sigh. Tomorrow she'd probably have to face sour faces, explanations and maybe a lecture or two about what had transpired that night at her aunt's house.

 _This probably hadn't been a very good idea either_ , she thought with a growing feeling of dread as her sore tail pressed between her legs a little tighter to avoid dripping over the bedsheets. She squashed her seed of anxiety forcefully, concentrating on the lull of Raph's breathing under her and his steady heartbeat she could feel against her plastron. Considering the situation they were both in the responsible thing to do would have probably been to wait, to take things slow and feel them out, probably put off any relationship until she'd managed to change back into her human self.

 _I'll worry about everything starting tomorrow._ Tomorrow she'd have to start fighting all over again, training her strange body, looking for more mutagen, thinking of a way to reach out again to her aunt, defending her decisions to Leonardo and Master Splinter, try to mend fences with Donnie... but for now she was content with drifting off in the arms of one of the few truly good things that had happened to her since becoming a turtle.


End file.
